[REPLAY] MAGA with Camel Toes

Camel toe or moose knuckle? Should we infiltrate the MAGA influencers? WTF is up with Will Smith, and a fun game to play with your bestie.

Chapters


02:51 Parrots calling people P*ssies
05:54 Lindsay doesn't know how to buy bread
08:25 Camel Toe vs Moose Knuckle + Nipping Out
11:19 Feminism and Piers Morgan
16:22 MAGA Influencer Undercover Mission
19:06 Fun Game: How Well Do We Know Each Other?
22:48 Feng Shui for your Dead Dog
23:44 We need more hobbies
24:55 Chicken Tendies
26:57 Financial Irresponsibility 
28:47 Recycling is a Scam
32:46 Who cares about body count?
34:49  Lifestyle Contracts
38:22 Will Smith's Career is spiraling 
43:16 Diddy Trial: People still won't believe a woman

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Well, first of all, I don't know why they call it a moose knuckle.

SPEAKER_01 0:02

Me either. Mooses don't have knuckles. I know.

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Is that they're dup.

SPEAKER_02 0:09

Let's party. Hello, and welcome to this week's episode of Honestly Smartless.

SPEAKER_01 0:17

I'm Chelsea Toronto. And I'm Dr. Lindsay.

SPEAKER_02 0:20

And welcome.

SPEAKER_01 0:21

Each week we're just two dumb girls chit-chatting away. Sometimes they're smart, always hilarious. And if you want to keep the funny show going, please go to the show notes and support the show. Click that link, support the show. You can do it for as little as $5 a month, and it just keeps us going. Right. Save your words. Show your support with cash. A hundred percent. You know you like it. Yeah. Just put your money where your mouth is. Okay. Speaking of mouthy. This week's Cudley Critter, it's about five parrots at the Linkshire Wildfire Park where they were separated after they began swearing at visitors and laughing together. If we were parrots, that would be us. You guys get a timeout. That would literally be us because we were fired. Literally for talking too much. We were separated.

SPEAKER_02 1:16

Um they were afraid that the parrots were gonna be a bad influence on the other parents.

SPEAKER_01 1:22

We can't afford that. Especially the children. You don't want them swearing in front of the children. God forbid. The children hear a swear word.

SPEAKER_02 1:29

Well, their parents are saying way worse.

SPEAKER_01 1:31

100%.

SPEAKER_02 1:33

What do you think they were saying?

SPEAKER_01 1:36

Were they like, fucker?

unknown 1:38

Fucker.

SPEAKER_02 1:39

Suck my dad.

SPEAKER_03 1:42

Stop being such a pussy.

SPEAKER_02 1:55

That's what I think. Did speaking of cuddly critters, did you hear about the dogs in Moscow?

SPEAKER_01 2:02

I did. Wild. They they basically have evolved to watch traffic signals and they listen for horns honking and they know the street so well that they're just do home to work every day crossing the street. They ride the subway. Yeah, and the subway.

SPEAKER_02 2:20

They have one dog that is their um human liaison. He hangs out the at the bakery. He's like, I'm particularly sad looking. And then he's like winking to his friend. He's like, These dumb fuckers.

SPEAKER_01 2:35

I picture he's on his phone, like with his paws. Beep, boop, beep, beep, beep. Got a call to work today. I'm gonna be sick. Roof.

SPEAKER_03 2:47

Yeah. Roof pussies. Sharp water.

SPEAKER_02 2:58

Nothing funnier than swear words coming out of animals' mouths. Yes. Yeah, no, I thought that one was wild.

SPEAKER_01 3:06

Oh, that is wild. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Um, so yeah, let's see. I've been shopping this week. Tell me. Well, we're going to tell you ride tomorrow. Oh, sure. So for some reason, I was put in charge of getting snacks. Well, you were grocery shopping. I was, but this is a different type of grocery shopping. I offered to come. I know, but you were working.

unknown 3:25

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 3:25

And there's really no other time where we could go together. So except all the time we spend together. Yeah, but I want to like go grocery shopping.

SPEAKER_02 3:33

And I am not great at grocery shopping.

SPEAKER_01 3:35

You're not great at grocery shopping. You're gonna have a meltdown. I am ahead of a meltdown, and then I get distracted, and then you end up still doing all of it. Exactly. All right, so so first things first, I have to get bread. Okay, you guys, I don't buy bread ever. So I go to the bakery section, and there's a loaf of sourdough bread, freshly baked. It's not even sealed up in a bag, and I put it in my cart, and then I'm walking. I was like, well, I don't know. I think the bread might go bad by the time we need it in a few days, like four or five days. I don't know if it's gonna last as long. So then I go to the other bakery section, also I think kind of freshly cut bread, but it's wrapped up in a bag and it looks like it has more preservatives in it and it's pre-sliced. So it's like, okay, I think this is the right bread. And then I go down the bread aisle. It's like it's like, I didn't know there's a bread aisle. I was overwhelmed by the selections of bread. So I went with a bakery one that was pre-sliced, and like, I really hope it's still good by the time we need it. Yeah. So that was stressful. And then I go down the chip and snack aisle. I don't eat chips. I know one thing, I hate Doritos. I hate the smell of Doritos, I hate the feeling of Doritos. So in any snack pack, I was like, okay, I'm not gonna get Doritos. I then there's like, do I want baked chips? Do I want ruffled chips? Do I want sun chips or do I want the Cheeto chips? Or do I want the kid snack pack, adult snack pack? Oh my God. Their boxes were going in and out. Like it's a Tetris movie.

SPEAKER_00 5:11

And the backets. They shouldn't be sold anymore. They've been manhandled so much. 100%.

SPEAKER_01 5:19

Like my hands are all over that freshly baked bread. Because that sounds like, do we want plain tower dough or like a whole weed or like a flavor? Like poor thing. Oh my God. I was it took me so long. I gotta be honest, I probably could have done that. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 5:32

I could have shopped like that.

SPEAKER_01 5:35

Yeah, well, now we know for next time. All right. And then the funny thing is that I ended up with the baked chips. Chelsea sees the box in the back of my car. So like, oh man, I want Cheetos.

SPEAKER_02 5:46

Austin's like, just get a bag of Cheetos. Actually, I don't want Cheeto dust all over my hands.

SPEAKER_01 5:52

Exactly. That's what I was thinking. I'm like, I don't want Cheeto dust on me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:57

You did a great job.

SPEAKER_01 5:58

Thanks. So I forgot a couple things. You're like, don't say shit. Don't say shit.

SPEAKER_02 6:03

You're gonna eat the food that I bought. You know, we're gonna be so hungry that it's all gonna taste great. I think that bread is not gonna go bad. The amount of preservatives. Yeah. I think. I don't know. Don't worry about it.

SPEAKER_01 6:17

You know what? There's always a store where we go. Exactly. We and you were considering taking my new car, which is uh an electric car, and I was mapping out all the stops, and there's charging stations along the way, 100%, but then I was just getting nervous. People telling me, oh no, don't take it on a long road trip, it's gonna die. How isn't it possible?

SPEAKER_02 6:38

But I have no idea. This is my first time.

SPEAKER_01 6:40

Yeah. I mean, honestly, the thing that got me was that the hike that we go on. I think it's a rough road to get to the hike. True. And I don't want to take my new car on the rough road. Right.

SPEAKER_02 6:48

I think that was a great choice.

SPEAKER_01 6:49

Yeah. I was excited to drive it, but I drive it every day. It's kind of lost its luster already. I'm over it. I've had it for like four days. I'm over it. I want anyone. Yeah. Isn't that funny how that happens? Uh-huh.

unknown 7:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:04

I'm like, I'm gonna love this forever. And they're like, you know what I'm buying? What are you buying? The camel toe protectors. I told ya. Yeah. Uh-huh. I didn't realize how badly I need them. So if you don't know what those are.

SPEAKER_01 7:19

Probably a man.

SPEAKER_02 7:20

You're you are probably a man. When you're wearing leggings or biker shorts, you get the worst moose knuckle. Worst moose knuckle ever. Well, first of all, I don't know why they call it a moose knuckle. Me either.

SPEAKER_01 7:36

Mooses don't have knuckles. I know.

SPEAKER_00 7:38

Is it their hoofs? Duh.

unknown 7:40

Is it their hooves?

SPEAKER_01 7:42

I don't think their hooves have a knuckle.

SPEAKER_00 7:44

Maybe like a split.

SPEAKER_01 7:45

Oh, maybe they have a split. But why a knuckle? I don't know. Try my moose hoof.

SPEAKER_00 7:52

I need a protector from my moose hooves. My moose lips. I'm dumb.

SPEAKER_02 8:00

I feel like my loose, my moose lips are hanging lower and lower the longer. The older I get. I don't know. I almost just need to tape it up. Tape it up. Biker shorts that I've been wearing this summer's when I play sports. It's humiliating. It's not our fault, Lululemon's making the inseam too short. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 8:23

Could you just extend it by an inch? And they finally, finally have released one line of leggings without the seam down the front. And it's such a limited offering. Like a couple colors of shorts, a couple colors of leggings. Like the cotton thing that makes this shape. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:40

No, not the Illuminati. You know, the universal shape for the jeans. Vagin.

SPEAKER_01 8:46

Because I'm always wearing a camel toe protector because I'm in leggings every day or tight shorts every day. You're gonna have to show me which one.

SPEAKER_02 8:53

Okay. Because there's so many to choose from. Yes, there are. So it looks like a fallopian tube. Fix into all of your pants.

SPEAKER_01 9:00

Yes, it does. Like almost like a bra pad insert. It's cut into camel shape. Mm-hmm. They work wonders. I love them. Oh, no kidding. Are they reusable? Yes. Put them in the washing machine. Okay. Yep.

SPEAKER_02 9:14

I tried to double up on my phones. Oh. Did not help. You're like, damn, that is so uncomfortable up my ass. Yeah, no, it wasn't great. I was like, no, it's visually offensive. Welcome to my world. Yeah, I'm sorry. I had no idea. Yep. I'm so insensitive. Walk a mile in my camel toe. My moose knuckle. Hooves.

SPEAKER_01 9:43

But you know what the funny thing is? I'm so concerned about my camel toe. I am I know where this is going. I am nipping out 24-7. I put a bra on today because I was nipping out, but there's no padding on this. Actually, what are you gonna do? Wear the strapless brain.

SPEAKER_02 10:04

Poor Lindsay is nipping out. I don't know what your day looks like. Are you nipping out? I imagine because it's probably freezing in there. Freezing in there. But when Lindsay is playing pickleball at all times, she's nipping out. People are like, Do you really like pickleball?

SPEAKER_00 10:22

So horny for pickleball. Tune in Tokyo. These erasers really love setting that ball.

SPEAKER_02 10:31

And I like a paddle.

SPEAKER_01 10:34

I love the noise a paddle makes. Oh, I love paddles hitting balls. I'm sorry. Well, all the pads that come in the sports bras, I lose them somehow or they get all tangled up and they don't work. They don't work. So, you know what I could do? I could buy all new padding for all my sports bras and I have to get them sewn in or something. But that's not happening. Not happening. You'd be better off like band-aids.

unknown 10:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:59

Those silicone nip covers. Yeah. I should invest in those. I'm sorry you have to do that. I know. I don't know what it is. It's like the cool breeze against my lips.

SPEAKER_00 11:09

But it's not even. It was like 90 degrees yesterday with humidity. Is it just anytime they rub on anything? You are now.

SPEAKER_01 11:18

It must be, or like or like anytime there's like physical activity. So like walking. Walking. It's too bad. I'm sorry. I would be very self-conscious. I used to be, and then I was like, fuck it. Look at my nips. Well, especially at the gym. I was like, okay. Good. They're not looking at my face. I'm not making eye contact, so I don't have to initiate conversation. And then they look down to your uh Kimelton.

SPEAKER_02 11:45

Perfect. They like what they see. I don't think I have that problem. No, you don't. My pepperoni is tucked away.

SPEAKER_01 11:56

I feel like my nips are just always on stand at all times. Like the buy that Kim K bar bra. Oh, no, I don't.

SPEAKER_02 12:04

Uh I've modeled it after you. She's on to something.

SPEAKER_01 12:10

Transcenter. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah. I know. Well, I think if you just see me often enough, you'll become immune to it.

SPEAKER_03 12:21

No.

SPEAKER_01 12:22

I see you frequently, and every time we're on the court, I'm like, bummer.

SPEAKER_00 12:27

I know.

SPEAKER_02 12:30

No, it's I mean, it's fine. It's just you being you. Just me being me. You're like, I can't control them. They have a mind of their own. They do. They're really excited to be. They never invert back in.

SPEAKER_01 12:40

They're just always out. Yeah. The burden you bear. Mm-hmm. And I'll bear it. Um, speaking of bearing it, there was an album cover. Oh, yes. Presented on Piers Morgan Show. I think it's the Lorde album cover. Indeed. And it's basically vagina down. Exactly. Waist down. Waist down. Her vagina's covered in a saran wrap type of material. You know how I feel about saran wrap covering the body. That's right. A little bit of pubic hair. And he had on an OnlyFans creator. She's a very educated young lady. They had her on to talk about the sexuation and feminism movement and why this album cover is setting back feminism. And she put them in their place. Holy shit.

SPEAKER_02 13:28

She said so many words without a period. And all Pierce Morgan had to say was, Alright, well, I don't disagree with all of that. Well, where's the feminism in that? Like, just be like, you're not wrong. I feel like he's only there to shut everyone up down. Right. No.

SPEAKER_01 13:49

Somehow he's the final say. Yeah, I'm not really sure how he became the authority, but he was saying, Well, isn't this a step back for feminism? Isn't this degrading to the artist on the album cover? She's like, No, it's powerful. She's putting it out there for everyone to see. Men, you're the problem because you're disgusted by seeing a pubic hair on the cover because you're trained to like aggressive porn with girls that are fully waxed. He's like, mm-hmm. Yeah. He's like, shit, she looked at my porn hub history.

SPEAKER_00 14:23

I'm trying to wonder what my porn hub history was like.

SPEAKER_01 14:28

I imagine it is all waxed. Right? Probably. Mm-hmm. I think it's an interesting take on feminism because I'm always like, I'm not a feminist. Like, I don't want to do shit. I want my husband to take care of me. I don't want to work. That doesn't mean the feminism. Feminism. Feminism. Like, I can't even say the okay.

SPEAKER_02 14:47

I that's not exactly what it means. It just means equality. Yes, that's what I learned. That's all it is.

SPEAKER_01 14:54

It's just the right to want something. She was saying we want equality at work, walking down the sidewalk, going to the grocery store. We just want to live. We just want to live without being overly sexualized in those scenarios. At home, yeah. Call me a hot piece of ass. I don't care. You can call me whatever you want.

SPEAKER_02 15:13

Just allow me the freedom of self-expression and maybe agency over my own body. And maybe equal pay.

SPEAKER_01 15:23

You know, that might be stretching it. So yeah, I thought that was an interesting take on feminism. Feminism.

SPEAKER_02 15:28

It just doesn't roll off the tongue. It does not roll off the tongue. That's unfortunate because we really do need it. I know.

SPEAKER_01 15:33

What about Sabrina Carpenter? Oh, and her album cover? Yeah. She was doing the same thing. Her whole shtick is being overly sexual.

SPEAKER_02 15:41

Remember when, well, you may not have been alive, but Janet Jackson. Now that I found that more offensive when JT ripped off her bra.

SPEAKER_01 15:49

Oh, yes, I was alive. I was in my basement with my boyfriend watching a Super Bowl, making out. We stopped making out to watch that happen. I was like, oh wow. That was more offensive.

SPEAKER_02 15:59

And it was the antithesis of feminism because they blamed it on her. Despite the fact that he ripped off her bra. Yep. And she was sanctioned and punished for years to come.

SPEAKER_01 16:13

Same thing that he did to Britney Spears. She cheated on him. She's a terrible person. So he came out the golden boy in both scenarios. Because we're trained to hate women. And we're trained to hate women showing their body, even when you want to show your body yourself. And how much money is made off of StubHub?

SPEAKER_02 16:31

I mean, poor enough.

SPEAKER_01 16:33

Probably a lot on both of them. All platforms make a lot of money. Yeah, they really society really hates us, don't they? Oh, yeah. And with Sabrina Carpenter, I think she is doing it in a more powerful, empowering way for her to be sexual. I think she was from Disney. So I think she's trying to do the 180s.

SPEAKER_02 16:53

I don't know. Just because she's on her knees and someone's quasi-pulling her hair. I'm not offended. I am not offended. I've seen much worse. Yeah. I've done much worse on my page. Uh-huh. I don't know. Well, I think because I'm not saying anything intelligent today. I'm like, words, words.

SPEAKER_01 17:13

Um, the interesting part about men shutting down women trying to empower themselves is because we're going into such an overly conservative society. So there was a mega summit for ladies. I'm wondering if we we should join that. I was saying the same thing. I was like, we should be mega wellness influencers because we would be hitting it big right now.

SPEAKER_02 17:36

Kind of.

SPEAKER_01 17:37

Yeah. We could go and infiltrate. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 17:40

Uh-huh. I have but did you notice how young they were? They're so young. They're so young. They're 20s.

SPEAKER_01 17:47

This was like a sorority night. Yeah, it was kind of a cult indoctrination. 100%. But I was like, would this help us? We could indoctrinate and that weigh them a little bit. You know, be like, wouldn't it be nice if you could have an abortion?

SPEAKER_02 18:04

I feel like plan B is so expensive. I feel like it should totally be free. Right? Um, I didn't know that you felt the same way because I was like, couldn't we possibly use this to our benefit?

SPEAKER_01 18:16

I know. Yeah. That's hilarious. I mean, it's so true because, for example, Lauren Bostick, uh Skinny Confidential. Yes, she is a wellness influencer and she skews more conservative, and people follow her like a cult because everyone is into the make America healthy again, you know, like no seed oils, cold plunges, whatever. And for some reason, that's associated with conservative influencers. They've like cornered the market because a conservative influencer, they all kind of look the same. They all have like probably like long, wavy blonde hair, they all have filler, lots of Botox, heavier makeup, accentuated brows. It's like the conservative Republican look. What I have on? No, no, no, no. No, you should check her out. Yeah, you should check her out. Ice called her. Oh shit, ice is outside. So the reason why they're having so much influence is because when you scroll through TikTok and you see the same thing over and over again, the same look on different ladies, then we just start to associate that as mainstream, and they all just happen to be more conservative and pushing those values, like the trad wife. Right. Like the Mormon wives. Yeah, exactly. So we either need to become Mormon or we have to go undercover. Or get wigs. Or get wigs. I vote wigs. Okay. I'm down for wigs.

SPEAKER_02 19:41

And then we're gonna have to do the opposite of self-tanner. We're gonna have to like whiten our skin.

unknown 19:46

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 19:47

Oh my gosh, I'll have to reorder my blue contacts that I used to wear.

SPEAKER_02 19:50

Oh, that'd be pretty. I've never worn contacts, but oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:53

I used to have sapphire blue contacts. But I get blue ones too. Or green? Green. Yeah. More green. We're gonna have to lighten your skin. Like Bridgetton times. Uh-huh. Oh man. I know. So yeah, I think if we want to hit it big, that's what we do. Speaking of hitting it big, remember yesterday you called me and you're like, oh my God. This is so exciting. Amazon just sent me an email.

SPEAKER_00 20:22

Oh yes.

SPEAKER_01 20:22

And I'm now have a special Amazon affiliate code that just plucked me out of obscurity, and here I am. Yes. And then you're like, actually, I think it's linked to my mom's Amazon account. Maybe. Did you look into it? I did. And they said, here's your code. So you could get through? I think so. So are you a legit Amazon affiliate? Mm-hmm. Okay, what's your code? But it's Chelsea Toronto-20. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 20:48

Is the storefront. Load up that storefront so that by the time this comes out, people can buy shit. I was hoping you could help me with that in our drive to Telluride. I she looks scared. I am scared. It's just a storefront. I don't know how to do it. I've leaned into being helpless. I don't love the fact I have to rely on you, but I'm so helpless. I can create content. Yeah. I'm a content creating machine. Yes, you are. I just don't know how to get it to the public. I gotcha. I don't care what I'm hawking.

SPEAKER_01 21:17

It's your store. You can put in there whatever you want. I'll put everything in there. Anything. Okay, I thought this would be fun. For anyone who's a newer Okay, we're gonna play a fun game. Tell them what the game is.

SPEAKER_02 21:26

Okay, the game is how well does Chelsea and Lindsay know one another? And it's a grid and it includes questions like what's Lindsay's favorite animal or character, food, color, season, place, plant, hobby, and drinks. Okay. Because I want to know how you see me.

SPEAKER_01 21:44

So it's always great self awareness checkup right here. Here we go. Okay. So your favorite animal, well, I would say Butch and Sonny. Yeah. And I said Layla. Uh huh. Okay. Yep. Your favorite place. Uh maybe like San Diego rolling around on the beach. I guess like D. Elmar, that's your jam. Or Turks and Caicos. Something where you're rolling around in the beach, literally rolling around in the sand and then going in the ocean and getting your hair all wet and then like rolling around in the sand some more. It's hot. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Okay. I would say Breckenridge. Um, yeah. I don't know. I guess a favorite place. Um, oh, oh, wait. What?

SPEAKER_02 22:25

I take that back. Okay. Is a petting zoo. I did know that one. I changed my mind. Initially I came up with Breckinridge, but Lindsay has a Disney princess, whether you know this or not, but she loves all things animals. So a petting zoo with some sunflowers and little baby goats and all the baby things.

SPEAKER_01 22:44

Oh, that's great. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I love that. Your favorite plant. Whatever plants you have hanging from your balcony right now. Whatever makes my house look good. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:53

I would agree with that. Yeah. I don't know what your favorite plant is. I don't have one. Okay. Yeah. Because you usually say, I kill them.

SPEAKER_01 23:00

I kill them. Okay. I'm up to four plants now. That's amazing. It is amazing. Because I was reading a Feng Shui TikTok.

SPEAKER_02 23:09

And reading.

SPEAKER_00 23:15

I read an article.

SPEAKER_02 23:18

Yeah, I read one too.

unknown 23:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:21

And she was saying, when you open up your front door, you should have something lively or green or a plant to look at. I was like, oh shit. When you open up my front door, you see my dead dog's ash. Funny, not funny. It's in a function way, and I hung up a plant above. Still alive going strong. I know. That's weird. Okay, what's the next one? Hobby. Hobby. Whatever hobby I'm into is your favorite hobby.

SPEAKER_02 23:56

But uh, do you do tiny houses with um I don't? No. It's almost like I don't have hands. I have hooves.

SPEAKER_01 24:05

Those moose hooves are back again.

SPEAKER_02 24:08

Today's theme are moose knuckles. Yeah. I don't know what my hobby is.

SPEAKER_01 24:13

Uh outfits. I feel like Instagram is a hobby.

SPEAKER_02 24:16

That's a good one.

SPEAKER_01 24:17

Content creation. Drinks. Drinks. This rat blue Raz lemonade Celsius. You started with rabble.

SPEAKER_02 24:26

I'm gonna say a spicy margarita for you.

SPEAKER_01 24:28

Oh yeah. 100%. Yep. All right, color. Hmm. Let me guess. What's the shade of your nails? Oh. Neon. Neon. Neon red orange.

SPEAKER_02 24:43

Oh, that's a good one.

SPEAKER_01 24:44

I would say you're pink. Yes. I love pink. I'm in my pink era. Food?

SPEAKER_02 24:51

None.

SPEAKER_01 24:52

No, none. None. Because this is also the thing about grocery shopping for you. I was like, what do you like? Do you like this or that? You're like, I've learned to have no preference of anything at all. And then you're like, oh, but I don't like those chips. I want to cheat.

SPEAKER_02 25:06

I was like, I know what I don't like, but over the years, because my roommate does all things domestic, including feeding me off. I'm like a baby bird that comes to the kitchen counter and I'm like, and so he chooses. I don't think he asks me what I want. No, you just get what you get. I get what I get. And because he prepares it and he puts it out at exactly the time I need it, I'm not really in a position to say, I don't like this. Otherwise, I'm gonna I mean, that's half the reason donuts and coffee started. I oh, this is the year anniversary of donuts and coffee. Oh, really? Here's the origin story. Last year at this time, it was difficult six weeks. Mm-hmm. Talk about crashing out.

SPEAKER_03 25:50

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 25:52

He would put Starbucks and Donuts by my bed as like a little sweet treat before you open your eyes. Yep. Then it continued, and now here we are a year later. I almost want to be like, hey, this trip went better. You can stop. Yep. But because you don't want to discourage someone who's doing something nice. I haven't found the restraint just yet. But I could just take a bite in front of him and then toss it out. You could. And I don't even drink a full Starbucks anymore. That's wild. I was thinking about it as we go on our road trip tomorrow. We'll probably hit Starbucks on our way out of town. And I thought I'm gonna get the blue raspberry bubble drink. Yes, you will. Yeah. Your blue raspedazz all day. Your rat drink. Because I'm not in a coffee phase. I think I could drink a couple sips of black coffee, but the oat milk with that waxy sugar is slightly I'm not repulsed, but I don't crave it. Interesting. I'm not craving coffee anymore. That's good. That's great, actually. It is. I don't know if it's because the big O or if it's just like, oh my gosh, I can't drink anymore.

SPEAKER_01 26:57

I mean, that's good because I am addicted to coffee. More of the, not for the, ooh, pick me up. It's just a habit. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:05

I liked it too. Yeah. My mother was like, you know, you'd save so much money. I'm like, oh, would I be able to buy a house if he didn't waste $10 every day? This is the reason why I don't have a house. Oh, I'm so financially irresponsible. I was thinking about old money, rich people, what's their money? They save for the future, and broke ass bitches like us spend now. For m now. But I was thinking the world's gonna end here soon. So let's just keep buying lip gloss.

unknown 27:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:35

I'll be enjoying my life, okay?

SPEAKER_01 27:37

Yeah. Leave me alone. You don't care. I'm not gonna get rich. Yeah. And also, you know, everyone's like, you gotta save for retirement. I was like, I don't know. We're gonna be podcasting until the day we die. So um this is a never-ending job.

SPEAKER_02 27:49

And Lindsay and Austin have agreed to let me live with them somewhere.

SPEAKER_01 27:54

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 27:54

I I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 27:55

I don't know. Yeah. We'll figure it out. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 27:58

So in the meantime, Starbucks and Lip Gloss. Here we go.

SPEAKER_01 28:02

Rounding this out, I would say if you had to pick a favorite food, it would be chicken tendies. Right now it is buffalo chicken tendies. That's right.

SPEAKER_02 28:09

I would say the same for you.

SPEAKER_00 28:10

I love chicken tendies.

SPEAKER_02 28:11

Well, French fries. Yeah, because I just follow you blindly. When I noticed that it was okay for you to do it, I was like, yeah, me too. It's not even ice cream anymore. No, no. Favorite character? We'll just I think let's just say that's what's your favorite character? Me. Oh man, oh man. I was gonna say Bridgerton, but oh yeah, I love Bridgerton.

SPEAKER_01 28:35

I mean, depends on what I'm watching. Sure. You know?

SPEAKER_02 28:38

Yes. The end. The end. So we do know each other.

SPEAKER_01 28:41

Oh, that's such a fun game. It was a fun game. I love that. Yay. Thank you. Um, this is part B of a fun game. If you're new around here, just fun things that you should know about us and kind of like an origin story of things that we always talk about. Like for Do I know these things? For example, recycling is a scam.

SPEAKER_02 29:03

Oh, I love it when she throws shit away.

SPEAKER_01 29:06

Oh gosh. It is a scam, but you know what? I now have an electric vehicle, so I think all the trash that I'm throwing out into the ocean is being negated. My carbon footprint's going down. It sure is. You said this one. Consent is the C word.

SPEAKER_02 29:25

It is these days.

SPEAKER_01 29:27

Yeah. R word. If you listen last week, we feel very strongly about the R word being reclaimed.

SPEAKER_02 29:34

Yeah, and by reclaimed we mean retard.

SPEAKER_01 29:36

Yeah. And there's a fun fact about you, and then a fun fact about me. Chelsea falls in love so quickly. Yeah. Head over heels, obsessed, out of love in a week.

SPEAKER_03 29:47

Well, you know what?

SPEAKER_01 29:48

F that.

SPEAKER_02 29:49

Yeah. Okay. Because you do the same thing. Mm-hmm. Because you're spoken for by your husband. Yes. You're not falling in love with dudes. But you are falling in love with your coworkers and any lady friend that becomes an everyday presence.

SPEAKER_01 30:06

I know. Except this last time I kept a distance somewhat so that I that didn't happen because I was like, well, this is gonna happen again. I'm gonna be best friends with someone at work and then they're gonna leave. That's exactly what happened. But I kind of knew that, so I left some space there. So now that we're not best friends anymore, I'm like, okay.

SPEAKER_02 30:23

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 30:24

Um I finally learned my lesson 20 times later.

SPEAKER_02 30:28

Well, the fact that I'm not acting these things out, I'm okay with. I don't really spend a lot of time in the company of men. Right. I have been a lot lately, yes, thanks to pickleball. So yeah, I do fall in love hard and fast. I think we're doing immersion therapy in pickleball. Indeed. And then I'm over it. Yeah. Although, boy, do I want to tap that ass so hard. I can't stand it. And like, stop staring from the waist down. You or him? Yes.

SPEAKER_01 31:04

Is he packing some heat down there? I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 31:07

I cannot keep staring because I hope somehow those joggers give me just if there's a little breeze and it pushes the joggers in one direction or another. I'm like, just let me see.

SPEAKER_01 31:18

I mean, honestly, if you haven't seen it yet and he's wearing joggers, there's probably not a lot going on. Probably is a small dick. Because in joggers, you can tell if someone has a big dick. It's swinging around down there.

SPEAKER_02 31:29

Don't even stop this sentence. Is repulsive because I know in the back of my mind what we're both thinking. I'm just a child bride, you know? I'm so innocent. He's she's not innocent, and neither is her husband. Yikes.

SPEAKER_01 31:47

But yeah, that's a fun fact about me. I'm a child bride.

SPEAKER_02 31:50

I'm not. I'm an old floozy.

SPEAKER_01 31:53

Who, as much as I'm an old floozy, you're not a flozy at all. Like in your fantasy, I feel like you're an old floozy.

SPEAKER_02 32:01

I used to be. I used to sleep around, I thought.

SPEAKER_01 32:05

Like with the two or three guys that you're slept with in the eight years that I've known you?

SPEAKER_02 32:11

I guess so.

SPEAKER_01 32:11

That's literally nothing.

SPEAKER_02 32:13

I know. Although I was thinking about my body count. I can't count that high. I was thinking about my body count, and I literally don't remember.

SPEAKER_01 32:23

I know. Why is everyone so hung up on it? I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 32:26

Is it a young person game? Yes. Because no adults are at absolutely not.

SPEAKER_01 32:32

And if you're an adult, if you're 30 years old and you're like, what's your body count? I'm that kind of makes me think that you're a virgin and you're afraid that you're hooking up with someone that has a lot of experience. It just seems like an odd question. I feel like that was a question when I was 20.

unknown 32:47

20.

SPEAKER_02 32:49

I was like, no need to be doing that. I don't think even knows how old I am. No. Usually they don't. No. Mm-mm. I should go to the fair.

SPEAKER_01 33:00

And not wear any makeup. Exactly. And uh win some money off of that guy. If you're not gonna fund the podcast, this is what we're left up to. Carnival games. Plushies. My body weight and plushies.

SPEAKER_03 33:21

Oh man.

SPEAKER_01 33:23

Okay, here's another fun fact about us is that we don't trust science. Mm-mm. Mm-mm.

SPEAKER_02 33:28

The follow-through on a tennis racket? Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 33:31

Absolutely not. That is nonsensical right there. Stay close to the kitchen line. Mm-mm. You're lying to me. Also, that you'll find a soulmate someday. Is that science? She's really leaning into this old spinster. You'll find someone. Maybe not.

SPEAKER_02 33:54

My life is not really structured.

SPEAKER_01 33:56

I have to get on Tinder when we're in Telluride and just hit it and quit it. Get a tourist, go back to their place, or you can have our place.

SPEAKER_02 34:03

I want a although this is, I was thinking about it. I have to, and then I have to spend the night, so then you guys can do your morning ritual.

SPEAKER_01 34:13

No, we agreed that we're just not gonna do that on vacation. I can go for a walk. No, you're good. I felt we can take like three days off. It's fine. It's fine. My vagina needs a break. My saran wrap. Yeah. That moose knuckles getting sore.

SPEAKER_02 34:30

Oh his joggers.

SPEAKER_00 34:37

His joggers got a lot bigger.

SPEAKER_02 34:41

My aunts got divorced in their early 30s, then never got even my mom, after my dad died 15 years ago, she's never even considered the thought of the company of a man.

SPEAKER_01 34:53

Which is wild.

SPEAKER_02 34:57

It is wild. I was like, you could just she's only slept with one man. Talk about body count. What? One man. Holy cow. She was truly a child bride. Yeah. She got married when she was 19. Wow. They got together when they were like 17. Oh wow. Mm-hmm. He did he did not have a body count of one. Despite the fact he was married. Yeah, because that's not realistic. In the 70s, it was more of a thing. Right. But now I'm starting to see maybe it's not that far-fetched. I don't know why. But you know what? I've been thinking about this a little more. No, I could use someone to go to Bible studies with, okay? Let's just put it like Monday nights. Standing Bible study. I'm not prepared to have my whole life shaken up just to spend time with someone and it's gonna end. If I knew that it was my forever person, sure. You know what you need. Nope.

SPEAKER_01 35:58

A lifestyle contract. Okay. I tell me more. So instead of getting married or making everything so official, just have a contract with someone. Like, hey, we are here for each other, we hang out with each other, but we can live separate lives. We don't have to intertwine anything. You could live separately. Oh, they do live separately? You could.

SPEAKER_03 36:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:19

You don't have to switch to like share finances or anything. It's like a separate life, but it's like the contract is okay, we have each other to hang out with. You're my companion for XYZ, and I like it like that. Let's just not make anything super official. Who's the officiant?

SPEAKER_02 36:34

Your dog. Yeah. Miss Pawprint.

SPEAKER_01 36:37

Paw Print.

SPEAKER_02 36:39

I and you're and then the talking parrots. This is fucking stupid. What are you fucking retarded?

SPEAKER_00 36:50

Retarded. Stop being such a pussy.

SPEAKER_03 36:53

Just get married.

SPEAKER_00 36:57

Yeah. They're like high-fiving with the little claws. Little claws.

SPEAKER_02 37:06

Yeah, no, I guess. I just, you know, my life is honestly pretty good. I just need to hit it and quit it here and there a little bit. Yeah, you do.

SPEAKER_01 37:15

That's why I want to so bad. No. Please just find a tourist and tell you ride. Please. Well, then you're gonna have to. I will swipe for you. I will set up the whole day. I will drop you off. I'll be like, don't come back till the morning, okay? The morning? That's scary. You can come back at night. I don't care.

SPEAKER_02 37:36

Yeah, no, I know. I'm literally getting nervous. I just imagine vacation sex? Hell yeah. Any sex is high. No, you're right. I like that type.

SPEAKER_01 37:54

Yeah, I think anyone who's a tall guy. Wild. Wild. He wears a t-shirt that fits. I don't know, but his joggers are baggy, so that's not a good sign. Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 38:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:08

Yeah, no, you're right. Yeah, you'll have to leave your snail trailing someone else.

SPEAKER_02 38:16

Snail trailing all around town. Anything I can wrap my legs around, I'm just like thrusting on. There was like a guardrail. And it was like, hmm. Snail trail this. Oh man. Oh man. Hey, you know what else is sad? What? The Will Smith video.

SPEAKER_01 38:41

Oh, yes. You know, he has a new song, Pretty Girls, Hot Girls, something like that. Honestly, it's kind of catchy. Oh, I hate it. Really? I thought it was humiliating. Oh, well, it's humiliating for him to be performing for a crowd that wants him to stop performing. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:56

They and it's just so hard to listen to. He's like, I don't want girls. He's out of tune. His face I'm like, what are you why?

SPEAKER_01 39:06

Why now? Oh, yeah. See, I always listen to his music video where it's auto-tuned, where it's much easier to listen to. Okay. Um, you know, he's having a midlife crisis. He's got go back to his glory days of get jiggy with it. Okay. And Miami. Summertime. Summertime.

SPEAKER_03 39:22

Don't sit on your jet ski. I'll change your life if you let me. Girls. Girls. I like pretty girls. I like pretty girls.

SPEAKER_01 39:36

You're like, it does sound like he's slurring or like he has oat milk stuck in his throat. Yeah, like phlegm.

SPEAKER_02 39:46

He doesn't sound great live. No, and the fact it is a it's a very large crowd. They bribed to be there. And it's almost as if me, it's as if they can't hear him.

SPEAKER_01 39:59

Mm-hmm. They're standing, I think they're recording just for the purpose of having the video. I'm not sure why he thought that was a good idea, and Rita Ora was also there with him. I didn't even know who that was. Exactly. She's a pop star, I guess, but that's not like her main gig. She's also an actress and whatnot. But he picked a very odd time and location to try to do a comeback.

SPEAKER_02 40:25

I half wonder if it's to protect himself from the Diddy drama.

SPEAKER_01 40:32

So I'm gonna distract you with my bad music. I didn't do anything. I'm a pop star. I don't like boys, I like girls. Uh-huh. Him and Jada are they still kind of together? They're just in an open relationship, I think. I think they're how they're honestly roommates. Yeah. She must have been so over him, she's not helping guide his career anymore. So this was his own doing.

SPEAKER_02 40:53

Clearly. Did he spend his own money on this? Because he should get a refund. Who are the people that are advising you? His producer's like, oh yeah, that's a good one. I think we got it. One tip. I think we're done here.

SPEAKER_01 41:06

Honestly, that could be a bop if it was set up to like some EDM background music and a remix. Sure. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 41:14

If it just said girls. Yeah. Pretty girls.

SPEAKER_01 41:16

Pretty girls. Pretty girls. Yeah, I he should try again.

SPEAKER_02 41:24

Or just exit stage left. It's not easy to leave.

SPEAKER_01 41:28

Let's play PR for Will Smith. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 41:31

No. Don't do anything anymore.

SPEAKER_01 41:33

Just stop. Stay retired. Do some more acting.

SPEAKER_02 41:37

No. No? Mm-mm. Why? Um what did you say? I say jump the shark. You say lost the plot.

SPEAKER_01 41:48

He's no more he's no longer relevant. Well, I think it all went downhill when he slapped Chris Rock at the award show. That's when the tides have turned. And then everyone's like, ooh, yikes we don't like him anymore. He has so much filler in his face. I know.

SPEAKER_02 42:02

He really doesn't need it. He doesn't need it. Because there's an expression. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Ooh, not gonna touch that one. Nope. The parrots can say that one. Um yeah. It was okay. I was alright with you just never coming back.

SPEAKER_01 42:27

Okay, I'm okay with that. And also, as far as personal life goes, I swear to God, if he gets a young, like 25-year-old girlfriend, just leave. Drop off the face of Hollywood. That's his next move. He's gonna have a 25-year-old girlfriend. As a beard.

SPEAKER_02 42:45

Sure. And the uh rumors or the that he pimped out his children for Diddy's party for Diddy parties. Yeah. I do think there's some nefarious actions that we're just not aware of. He was very much friends with Diddy. He was very much there. Yeah. Oh, speaking of Diddy trial, uh, the jurors have deliberated and they came back rather quickly on four counts. Now they're still debating racketeering the the c what's it called? The racketeering. Racketeering.

SPEAKER_01 43:19

So they're still so there's one juror that can't follow instructions.

SPEAKER_02 43:25

Watch it would be me.

SPEAKER_01 43:27

He's like, sorry, I stopped listening once you got to that one.

SPEAKER_02 43:30

Um and it's my is it true that if they can't come to an agreement on this one count that it could be a hung trial?

SPEAKER_01 43:39

Or do you I believe so? I think. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 43:45

I'm not sure. I'm not sure about that one. I'm not sure either. Both sides are a little concerned about the fact that the jurors came back so quickly on those four counts. You know, everybody was under the impression that it probably didn't go in his favor. Right. The sketches, I'm gonna miss the sketch artist. Uh the sketch artist really did it justice when he's sitting there afraid and his defense team is huddled around him. Oh, yeah. That's not good. No, and he was quoted as saying, Mom, your shirt looks really nice today. He's got his priorities.

SPEAKER_01 44:23

That's the one quote they could get out of him. Mom, you look pretty. Okay, son. He's like, if they're gonna get one quote out of me, it's gonna be something to hit pull on the heartstrings of mamas across the country. Yeah, something complimentary to ladies. That's right.

SPEAKER_02 44:41

Yeah. Well, I hope he doesn't get his way out of this. I hope not. Do you think he's gonna be murdered in jail? 100%. Yeah, yeah. He slipped and fell. Yeah. Oops, daisies. Um okay. That's all I got. Good.

SPEAKER_01 45:00

Well, the words came out, but they were more like a Muppet. You know, we can't be hitting home runs at the same time. Someone's gotta do the pitch, someone's gotta hit the home run. You did it. I was throwing my own balls today.

SPEAKER_00 45:14

Just like a pickleball.

unknown 45:20

Joggers.

SPEAKER_01 45:21

Okay, make sure you share this episode with your besties. And next time you see a guy in joggers, you know what to look for. That's a PSA for today. And follow us at Honestly Smartless, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, wherever your podcast. Give us five stars only. And remember to support the show using the link in the show notes. And we'll see you next time. Bye.

SPEAKER_03 45:44

That's good.