My Therapist Said Stop Talking About Feelings

Lindsay just had her first therapy session, and it did not go the direction you'd expect. She's feeling a "solid friendship vibe" with her husb and her therapist says to shut down feelings and stick to facts. He called her in a time of need, Lindsay showed up with Chipotle, quietly packed her Nespresso machine into her purse, ate half his burrito while he was in the bathroom, and left. 

Meanwhile Cyber went quiet for three days and Chelsea and Lindsay confirmed the weird energy was real and they talked it out. 

Plus: living together quirks, the world's greatest closet, Chelsea doing laundry every three days whether you want her to or not, and what it actually feels like to be alone for the first time in your life. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:00

And I wanna do f nasty ass dirty things. But I can only do it if my pussy feels safe.

SPEAKER_00 0:08

Let's party.

SPEAKER_04 0:11

Hello! And welcome to this week's episode of Honestly Smartless. I'm Chelsea Toronto.

SPEAKER_02 0:17

And I'm Dr. Lindsay.

SPEAKER_04 0:19

And welcome.

SPEAKER_02 0:20

Each week we're just two dumb girls chit-chatting away. Sometimes they're smart, always hilarious. Well, welcome to our new home. Yay. Our Barbie content creator Dream House podcast studio. Would you look at this?

SPEAKER_04 0:34

We are all grown up in a real live studio. No. How's it feel? I just got a twinge of something. Oh shit, we're not in the closet anymore.

SPEAKER_02 0:43

Oh, yeah. Isn't it fun to be out of the closet?

SPEAKER_04 0:47

Yeah. I think. I don't know. How should I be feeling? Because this is the first time we're recording in our newest digs. Yeah, I mean, we were there well, we were there for about four years. And now we're in something way better. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:04

Fuck that traffic. A moment. The closet. Stupid. So dumb. I look like amateurs.

SPEAKER_02 1:13

I know it feels nice to have space. I like kick my legs around. Something will literally come across my desk now. Oh, you know what we should put up? Or all of our rubber duckies.

SPEAKER_04 1:28

Yes, when you go to bars, if somebody was smart enough to be like, all right, we're gonna give ladies a claw game, little rubber ducks. You might see people who have jeeps, jeep wranglers. Yeah. There's ducks on there, a windshield. Lindsay drives a jeep.

SPEAKER_02 1:42

I do drive a jeep, but I don't subscribe to the ducks.

SPEAKER_04 1:46

Well, you got like 11 last night.

SPEAKER_02 1:48

I know. I kept on going, a dollar, a dollar, a dollar. Okay, I think I was one for three. You were 100%. I was one of no, that's not true. 99.95.

SPEAKER_04 2:00

However, you know why I got 100%? Because one claw take, I got three ducks. We'll circle all back to that. Let's get back to the reason why our people listen to hear about you. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 2:15

Well, where are we at? Let's see. It's been what a couple weeks? Two weeks? Yeah. Yeah. It seems like I've been here forever. Forever.

SPEAKER_04 2:25

Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. Everybody. Let me turn that off. Uh that text we just received was for both of us. Oh, what is it? Real time. It was our buddy Ken. Is Lindsay separated too?

SPEAKER_02 2:45

Well, let me tell you. I am not living at my house right now. So I guess you could technically say I am living separate for the past week or so. And so far, so good. You know, I'm just doing the same exact thing. I'm just sleeping in a different bed, and there's not someone waiting for me to get home and being like, Where were you? What were you doing? I'm coming and going as I please. A lot of pickleball, lots of whatever I'm doing. We barely see each other. I know, which is crazy. Everyone thinks that we're up each other's asses all the time. I said pillow fights, summer parties and pillow fights. Yeah, but we really don't see each other that much. In the week or so that I've been gone, I went out to dinner with my husband. That was good. You know, it's a fun time. It's not like we don't have a fun time. Right. And it's a very casual environment. And then we chat after dinner. He's like, I'm all in. What do you want to do? I'm like, I don't know. You're putting a lot of pressure on me. So I had therapy this week for the first time. And because you agreed to go. Yes, because I agreed to go. I agreed. We both agreed that we are going to go to therapy separate. He said, I'm willing to put in the work. Yeah. I think we should both go to therapy. I agree. I'm going to go to therapy on Monday. And he said, Okay, I'll I'll find someone. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 3:58

Yours is like, I'll go on Monday at nine. And he's like, I will find a person. Then he said we should do it together. Okay, so you had your first therapy session. How was it?

SPEAKER_02 4:08

It was really good. I told her what's going on. We've been having a rough past for the past two to three years. I want to have a more robust social life and professional life and just live a bigger life. And he's not really down with that vibe at the moment. And he's sitting at home playing video games, smoking the weed has gotten a little out of control.

SPEAKER_03 4:27

Supporting than usual.

SPEAKER_02 4:28

Kinda. Every night home from work, he smokes all night and plays video games. And then once we eat dinner, then he's done smoking. It's a lot. Um, so I just told her where we're going on our differences. I like her because she was okay, so you're going to have to lay out your needs. He'll have to lay out his needs, and then you guys can decide if you are willing to compromise or if you're willing to work on it. And she said, if he starts introducing feelings, shut that shit down.

SPEAKER_06 4:56

Oh well.

SPEAKER_02 4:57

Did she say why? Because emotions come and go. It can change by the second, the hour of the day. You might be sad or frustrated with it, but the facts, that's not changing. What I need, that's not an emotion, it's an action item that I need. And she's like, I can tell you really differentiate emotions from action items. Like, yeah, I do. Bring emotions. And then, of course, she has to go into like childhood. She's like, Did you express emotions when you're younger? I was like, No, I didn't. And she's like, What were you like as a kid? It was like a pain in the ass.

SPEAKER_04 5:27

I'm kind of perfect.

SPEAKER_02 5:29

And then, because I'm like, she's like, Well, did your parents have rules? I'm like, here's the thing. I don't like rules. I think rules are stupid and they don't really apply to me unless you really explain why they apply to me. I don't like control. Uh-uh. The second I feel someone controlling me, I get pissed. I was just like, Bet the fuck off. Yeah. Yeah. I don't like being dictated to.

SPEAKER_04 5:49

No, you don't. Ma'am.

SPEAKER_02 5:52

No, ma'am. So then she gave me this strategy. It's called Deer Man, is how you're supposed to have the conversation. Something about action and let's see. D is I don't know. Yeah, describe. Describe. D, and then E is the emotion. No. Because there's no emotion. A is assert. R. Educate. Yeah, I mean educate. Let's see. A is assert. R. I don't know. And then M. Something was something must start and have confidence and maybe negotiate. It was the N. I don't know. I'm just a couple letters in there. I wrote it down in my notes, but I'm going to just have my phone out when I'm talking to him. The moral of the story is what I need from him is ambition. I need for a rest for life. Wanting to go do things. Going out to dinner is not a date. That's just life. Sitting at home watching TV, that's not a date. I want actual quality time and doing fun things and something in the box. Like if we're going to go out to dinner, okay, then can we like walk around and go do something else afterwards? Not just get back in the car and go home. Or an activity of some kind. Like we can go golfing. I don't always want to play pickle. Like, pick a new activity. Surprise me. Something else. I wish we would travel more. Even if it's just a weekend. Because why are we not doing that? It's just so routine and so stale. Am I just bored? I don't know. Yes. I know I'm like, is that it? I'm just bored and I want to blow up my life. There's not enough stimulation. Also, we don't really have a super deep connection. It's always just been like fun and light. We've been a lot of fun together. In the beginning, that works.

SPEAKER_01 7:26

It does work. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_04 7:27

Look, you married your high school sweetheart. Yep. It's okay to have a second. Yeah. And then pretty soon you'll see how easy it is to rack up five.

SPEAKER_02 7:36

So we're going to see each other tomorrow. But my therapist was like, You guys should talk about your core values and see if you're on the same page with anything. And then where do you see yourself in five years? Are any of those aligning? What does he need from you? What do you need from him? So that's the conversation we'll have tomorrow. I'm going to give him a heads up. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 7:51

Send him a Google share.

SPEAKER_02 7:53

Literally. I'll send him a heads up. I think that's fair and productive. Otherwise, we're spinning our wheels and wasting time.

SPEAKER_04 8:00

Talking about feelings.

SPEAKER_02 8:01

We don't need more feelings.

SPEAKER_04 8:02

How are you doing?

SPEAKER_02 8:03

I feel like I haven't really sat down and thought about it all. So I guess maybe I'll do that tonight. Just sit and mull over my life. I'm feeling good because I'm not feeling sad that I'm not with him. It's more of a sad, like, oh no, is this it? Is it over? Or sad, oh, we lost that connection. Could we ever get it back again? Because let me tell you what happened this weekend. On Sunday, he called me and he's like, I'm throwing, I'm throwing up.

SPEAKER_06 8:36

I don't know where else to go. I'm so sorry. I'm like, it's okay. What's going on? He's like, oh, I think I'm having a stroke or something.

SPEAKER_02 8:46

I don't know how to get like dirty and I'm feeling like I'm throwing over. And I was like, okay, uh, do you want me to take your urgent care or like what do you need? He's like, come over here.

SPEAKER_06 9:04

So I'm like, oh yeah, I'll be right over. He's like, I can't bring what you pull. I'm so cold. I'm so cold. I'm so right. Extra cheese.

SPEAKER_03 9:28

Shut the fuck up, you pussy.

SPEAKER_06 9:30

You can't have one or the other. Do you want to overeat? Uh-huh. Or are you near death? I know.

SPEAKER_02 9:36

I'm like, well, you really need electrolytes and some watermelon, but sure, I'll stop at your pole and bring you a burrito. Why not? I make an extra stuff for you.

SPEAKER_01 9:44

100%.

SPEAKER_02 9:53

I'm like, I think I overdid it. Yeah, I think you did. Um, I'm like, okay, here, I'm gonna made you some electrolytes and here's your watermelon. And I'm like, make sure you sip it slowly, eat it slowly, so you don't overdo it. And you like rub his back. There, there. I got him like what I mean. I stood there for a couple minutes.

SPEAKER_06 10:09

I'm like, so it's much longer. One year, and I'm gonna do a couple things. I'm going into my closet, my bathroom, and I am grabbing shoving into my big oversized heart and stuff.

SPEAKER_02 10:36

Making trips out to my car to grab an espresso machine who's turning into grabbing all this shit. I do this for 15 minutes. And it's hard to hear a little sick. Baby's about to throw up again. I'll park myself in the kitchen. How does it make himself sound sick?

SPEAKER_03 10:48

You're like, uh, like, not a fucking side.

SPEAKER_02 10:53

I've turned gathering my belongings to go to the kitchen and I unwrap my burrito and I cut it.

SPEAKER_06 10:58

I cut it in half.

SPEAKER_02 11:03

I cut the burrito in half. Like my fork and I start eating half of that burrito and I was like, well, I'm hungry.

SPEAKER_04 11:16

That's fantastic.

SPEAKER_06 11:18

I'm sitting there cross-legged eating the burrito with a fork, pulling here choking, and like, you're not okay, buddy. Okay, I'm here if you need me. Deep breath, buddy.

SPEAKER_04 11:33

You got this. It's crawling on your phone.

SPEAKER_02 11:36

I didn't have my phone on me because I was deep down in my purse with all my shit eating half a burrito. And I circled back to him and hey, are you sure you don't want to go to urgent care? No, I'll be okay. How long was he in the bathroom? Like a half an hour. That's a long time. Did he ever throw up?

SPEAKER_04 11:50

I think he did. Maybe a little bit. I don't know. Did you hear the water hit the bowl? Like, ooh, yeah. From one faker to another, that man did not throw up.

SPEAKER_02 12:00

Don't you just think he's having a panic attack? Oh, yeah, no. Because he's just been overdoing it. Because you know what they say. You could get a glow up and you throw your body into exercise when you're going through a tough time. And that's what he's doing. He is maxing out. How so, Lindsay? He told me he did a really hard workout on Saturday morning. And then he went up to the mountains and did a two-hour bike ride. He came back late, late in the morning, did a really hard workout again. Wow. Then he went to a pool party out in the sun. Does that count as exercise? I don't know. I think he just didn't like eat and drink enough. I have to help him walk to the couch because he's like, I feel really dizzy. I'm like, oh god. What? I get him on the couch, prop his legs up a little bit. Did you give him the burrito? No, I didn't give him a burrito. Wow. You get electrolytes, you get watermelons, and we get a couple cards. You know the minute you left, you jumped right up to it. Oh good.

unknown 12:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:48

He's like, I don't need that burrito across from him on the couch. And he's like, it really means a lot to me that you're here right now. I know I'm not your favorite person in the world, but it really means a lot that you're here. I was like, No, you're fine. I'm probably not your favorite person in the world, if anything. That's fair. It just really means a lot that you're here. Yeah, I got you. If you need me, don't be afraid to call me. It's totally fine. That's cool. I'm like, okay. Yeah. I said, Oh, I also took the Nespresso machine because I can't be going to Starbucks every single day, twice a day. Yeah. Yeah. And he's like, Oh, well, now that I'm not smoking weed in the morning, now I drink coffee. But you drink it more, so you can take it. And he's like, I really don't like that you're taking more stuff. And like he we were supposed to hang out on Tuesday. He's like, Yeah, I don't know. I'm like, Yeah, that's fine, whatever. Like, cool. I'm like, one more time. Like, are you sure you don't want me to take your urgent care? He's like, Yeah, I think I'll be okay. I think I think I'm starting to feel better. Like, okay. And then he was like, um, would you be mad if I canceled your flight to San Diego? Cancel my flight. I know. I still want to go, obviously. I like going anywhere. So he's like, well, we can talk about it later.

SPEAKER_05 13:57

I'm like, yeah, let's do that.

SPEAKER_02 14:00

I know. I was like, fuck that, I still want to go. So then I was like, okay, well, I hope you feel better. There we are there. I gave him a hug. Then I left. So yeah, it was pleasant. And then the next day he texted me. He's like, I'm in urgent care right now. I told you, I'm like, I told you you're dehydrated, need an IV, you need whatever. Imagine that. I'm kind of a doctor, and I was looking up the symptoms, and that is what you should be doing. So yeah, he is alive. I mean, I can't have that blood in my hands. I had to show up. I can't ignore that phone call. And I'm like, what, something happens to him? Oh my god, I won't be able to live with myself.

SPEAKER_04 14:42

No. Like taking a gun, shoving it up his ass, and then killing him with it.

unknown 14:48

Just like that.

SPEAKER_04 14:49

That one's real risky, Lindsay.

SPEAKER_02 14:51

Yeah. Our roommates, they're like, you guys are so delusional. You think everything works out for you all the time. Like, what? Someone's gonna give you the free place to stay in, free house. Yeah. Yeah. That is that's exactly what happened. Here we are.

SPEAKER_04 15:07

We manifest shit. Uh huh. Baby steps to our record deal. Exactly. Good job, Lindsay. Thank you. Give me your hand. How are you feeling? I feel less anxious being here. Good. Yeah. Do you want to unhold hands now? Yeah, we can unhold hands now.

SPEAKER_02 15:24

Thank you. Just um we're both like really why are you holding hands so much?

unknown 15:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 15:35

I feel less anxious. I yeah, just feel like a little bit more free. And um I'm not really feeling sad. It's weird because when I saw him, I was feeling like a solid friendship vibe. I wasn't feeling a very longing romantic pull to be there and comfort him more of I'm taking care of a really good friend. That was interesting. Yeah, I was like, huh. That changed very quickly. I know. When did that happen? I don't know. When was the last time you had sex? A month. Three weeks ago, maybe. It's just been kind of whatever lately, anyways. So I could live without it.

SPEAKER_04 16:19

How long do you think you let yourself go without it?

SPEAKER_02 16:23

I don't know. That's a great question.

SPEAKER_04 16:28

That's why I do what I do for you.

SPEAKER_02 16:30

Um I guess it depends on what happens.

SPEAKER_04 16:34

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 16:34

Yeah. That's why I'm asking you. I don't know. I could probably go a pretty long time. How long? Like six months.

SPEAKER_04 16:40

Well, that's not that long. That's adorable. Yeah. You know it's a long time. Who knows? Maybe it'll be a year. I don't know. Eight years. That's a long time. That was sad. You can't not have sex longer than a year because it seems sad. Even if it's shitty, at least just so you don't look weird. Just do it. Because should you choose to go down this route, people who are newly unmarried, make sure you have sex one time before the year mark. Yes. Ideally within six months. Do it like five months and ninety-nine days.

SPEAKER_02 17:18

I'm waiting to feel more sad. But I've been unhappy for a couple years, so it's almost like I'm at peace with whatever happens, whether I stay or I leave. I'm just like, okay, I will be okay. And you're going out tonight, so I'll be home by myself. I know. So I'm like, oh my god, I'm gonna be at home by myself. What am I gonna do? Make sure you stay home. Yeah. Make sure you stay. Stay home.

SPEAKER_04 17:44

I'm gonna get my nails done and that's it. Yeah, no target runs for now. Do the act deliberate act of eating here. So if you get sweet greens on the way home, make sure you come back and eat it. In the exercise of learning to be alone, right? These are things that I would throw out there. And you pick and choose as you like. Don't dilly dally. Right. Being home alone is not the punishment. For you, it it might not feel like the first thing you do, but for me, I'm a honing pigeon. I'm always going home. And I'm trying to break out of that. I'm trying to break out of being in just in one room. Right. It's very uncomfortable for me not to hunker down in one bedroom and make it my everything. So but for you, being at a home alone, by yourself, daylight out, and not having an activity planned is very important.

SPEAKER_02 18:38

Yes, it is. And that is the whole purpose of me being here is learning how to be alone and feeling in my feels and just being able to have quiet and have some space. Maybe I'll bring out my piano and play a song.

SPEAKER_04 18:52

Even for 20 minutes. You can move on to things throughout the night. Yeah. So bring the food home, bring your sweet treat home. Even going for walks by yourself still counts. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:02

I'm so pumped there's no TVs in this place. Then I have to pull up my laptop and sit down and watch them on my laptop. I don't want to put on a TV show just to drown out. There's nothing to drown out. There's nothing to drown out. Yeah. And like you say, it kills creativity. Yeah. And this is a nice detox.

SPEAKER_04 19:21

Oh, good. Is it helping? It is. Sensory deprivation camp. Yes. I've never lived alone.

SPEAKER_02 19:29

I'm never alone. It's wild. So I mean I'm excited to see what the night brings. I won't be around tomorrow night either. I won't see you. I'll be snoozing. I still go to bed at 9 p.m.

SPEAKER_04 19:39

Not last night.

SPEAKER_02 19:40

Not last night. We stayed LA.

SPEAKER_04 19:42

I was like, oh shit, it's one. I know. It's like, what? It was an impromptu girls' night. The reason I was holding your hand is I feel like I should do a better job checking in and seeing where your head's at. I know, Lindsay. What do you need from me as we live together?

SPEAKER_02 20:01

As we live together. It's a fair question. I do need some space sometimes to sleep in to be on my own schedule. You know, it's kind of me living my life coming and going as I please.

SPEAKER_04 20:13

But then we just know the other person doesn't know when is the right time to be like Yeah. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 20:22

Yeah, maybe we just need to get on a schedule of some kind. We didn't have a schedule before. Right. But I feel like now that we live together. I never see you. I know. I see you very little. I know. I don't know what you're talking about. Like this morning, I just need to go on a walk by myself. I wasn't even fucking here. I didn't even text you. I was gone. I'm just saying, I would have been like, okay, I'm gonna go for a walk by myself.

SPEAKER_04 20:47

Okay. Yeah. She acts like with such a fucking chip on herself. She's like, I need alone time because everyone is always stressing me out because people want me. And I'm like, I haven't said dick to you. I am not up your ass, if anything. What?

SPEAKER_02 21:04

I was just like, I'm still at Starbucks. I don't know why. I was stressed out. I was like, stop, what are you doing?

SPEAKER_04 21:09

Why are you talking to me? I always act like this.

SPEAKER_02 21:11

Yeah, I don't know why. I don't know why I was getting all stressed out about it. Sorry, I didn't mean to be snappy.

SPEAKER_04 21:17

And aside from hiding in my bedroom, I don't know what else you want me to do. I'm so tired of apologizing for existing. No, you can do whatever you want. I know. It's like somehow your loan time is more important than my social time. I don't know why I was so snappy today.

SPEAKER_02 21:31

The Lord punished you by the walk ended up being on the way back from Starbucks. It should be a 20-minute walk. I'm gonna take the Highline Trail back to our house because it's right there. Oh my gosh, it was a 45 minute detour. So I was like, where are you now? I know. Um so I got a little sidetracked.

SPEAKER_04 21:51

So I mentioned earlier talking shit about guys specifically. So what do you do? Have sex men say everything about them on air. And they listen to it 12 hours later. Right. What am I supposed to do with this?

SPEAKER_02 22:05

Well, I don't know. Do you want him to listen or stop listening? You could probably say right now on this episode, please stop listening right now. Please stop listening right now. Okay, we'll give you time to turn off your ear pods. There you go. Thanks. Thanks.

SPEAKER_04 22:26

It's been ten weeks. It feels like it's been longer.

SPEAKER_02 22:30

Doesn't it?

SPEAKER_04 22:32

I guess April was a long time ago. There haven't been a lot of downs. That's great. But there has been one. Three days go by and I didn't receive a text until Tuesday. So Saturday, Sunday, Monday. Normally I get a message on Monday. Am I being unreasonable? No, I don't think so.

SPEAKER_02 22:57

No, it's just a break in the pattern that you're used to.

SPEAKER_04 23:00

Oh, that's right. This is a break in the pattern in which I've come to write this time. That I came up with that was hey, I really want to come and I want to come frequently. And I think you're the man to get me there. And I want to do nasty ass, dirty things, but I can only do it if my pussy feels safe.

SPEAKER_02 23:22

And I think that great message.

SPEAKER_04 23:23

It will really hit home. That's exactly what I mean.

SPEAKER_05 23:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 23:28

Like, I don't give a fuck what you're doing. Just don't be weird. Don't make a weird cut. That's it. Uh-huh. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe someone got in his head. But here's the thing. They're never gonna tell you the facts. Girls would be like, just be honest. Well, I hear women ask for that, but rarely are they getting it. Right. So I'm gonna approach this differently. I do not care what you're doing. Right. Absolutely not. I don't care. Uh would I like to know what's up? Yeah, sure would. I think that's fair. I just want to know what's fair. Um, because whatever story I'm telling myself is probably worse than the reality of it. Exactly. If you could just put me out of my misery, agreed.

SPEAKER_02 24:10

I know. That's it. That's it. That is just how we operate. It's like we get something in our head and then it spirals. Really, if you look at the facts, it's not that deep. We're not really doing anything.

SPEAKER_04 24:21

So yeah. And that happened in the last 24 hours. I didn't care for spinning out, I'll tell you that much. I don't want to do that again. No. Yes, I want to come. I just don't want to feel that bad. And that wasn't even bad. Right. I don't like having my happiness somewhat impacted by did someone call me or text me. And I swore that I wouldn't get to this spot. And here I am. And I'm like, what am I gonna do? It's just inevitable. I'm not loving this. I kept saying up to this point, if I never hear from him again, he was amazing and he deserves to go down in history as how well he treated me. Yes. And I am the best sex he's ever had. Uh he has a lot of pictures of me in his phone. Oh yeah, that's adorable. Okay, like just the ones you saw. But he takes pictures of me.

SPEAKER_02 25:11

Yeah, that's amazing.

SPEAKER_04 25:12

Uh amazing. Doug never took a picture of me. Not ever. Ever. Which is wild. We don't have a picture together. That's insane. What's that all about? There's never been a time where Doug's like, come in here. Oh, let's get a photo. I mean, it was a break in the pattern, and I am hyper sensitive to shit like this. I'm not gonna lead with that because that makes me sound crazy. But as a celebrity, I don't want to make time for trash like behavior. Different plot twists. Interesting. Oh, he didn't call me. That's that makes me look like a loser. Yeah. I don't want to do that. Spinning out because I didn't get a text, I guess is normal. That's normal, but we don't want that to be a regular thing. But people are rooting for you, Cyber.

SPEAKER_01 25:54

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 25:55

Don't give me a reason to trash talk you. Trash talk you. Just treat me amazingly or don't treat me at all. Because people are rooting for you, and I want to give them a happy ending. And then I want one. And then you get one. Happy endings all around. If you do right, buy my pussy and my pussy. Feel safe, okay? It's not that deep. The only thing I want deep is that rock. Get it, girl. Fuck yeah, you're good at what you do. And yes, I like being the number one. I do want to expand sexually. Yeah. Get it, girl. So just act right. You did act weird. He's like, yeah, we can't decide. We've we're single dad weekend. I love that for you. It's just like daddy day. Right. Except cooler. Rad dad. We're rad dads. She had a rad dad board short. Because you know they don't wear t-shirts, not where they go. No. So he's like, oh, we can't decide if we're going to Moab or we're gonna have our feet in the sand somewhere. And I was like, Okay, okay, cool, cool. Felt a little icier. I don't know. I just was like a break in the pattern. And so he's like, okay, I'm walking in the gym, talk to you later. And I was like, bye. And I hung up. And I was like, that was a bit much. So I immediately texted him and I was like, I'm sorry if I hung up abruptly. Um apologies. He's like, Oh, no worries. Y'all good? Yeah, he's being cool. Y'all good? I said, back to normal. I did. I smiley faced it. So then he walks by Lindsay's desk and gives her the same, we don't know if we're gonna be on the mountaintop or our toes in the sand. Eight hours later, Lindsay's like, Yeah, I ran into cyber at the gym. Why was he acting weird? That's what I'm saying. Because you know, if I just said it to you, you'd be like, Yeah, that sounds weird. But the fact that you were able to confirm that it was a weird energy behind it.

SPEAKER_02 27:49

Yeah. Because I'm like, are we playing pickle later or what? He's like, I don't know. We all know we're gonna end up. I'm like, okay. I kind of want to text his buddy and be like, don't be rude. I know, just say yes or no. It's such a pet peeve. I'm like, we asked you to do something, yes or no. That's it. I reached out on because cyber was like, we should all pickle. Oh, sorry, I asked you to do something. You could just respond.

SPEAKER_03 28:10

You are retired. Yeah. You're a single, just don't, it's just a tool move.

SPEAKER_02 28:15

I know. It's like, no, they really take their liberty of having no commitments to heart.

SPEAKER_04 28:23

Right or die. Like, you can't pin me down. Did feel like somebody got into his head and he was just a mouthpiece repairing somebody. I was thinking about it. His buddies really do have an invested interest for this not to work out. Not like rooting against me, but I wouldn't love it if you got a boyfriend right now. Right. Because everybody I tell that we're doing our midlife crisis together, they're like, get out of here. I'm like, I know.

SPEAKER_02 28:45

So we have a real opportunity for fun times. That's right. Fun times was girls' night last night, because if I was at my own house, I've been like, no.

SPEAKER_04 28:53

Oh, you definitely want to say, you know why this thing with cyber needs to work out? I haven't mastered the art of blowjobs either. Oh, see, there you go. So pull it together, okay? I'm gonna learn a life skill. I am too skill. I was so fucked up last night. I was like, Lindsay, if this doesn't work out, I'm gonna kill myself. Like now, now it's just it's okay. It's okay, buddy. It wasn't okay.

SPEAKER_05 29:20

It's gotta work out.

SPEAKER_04 29:22

So that's it on that. I don't know how you live life and have a podcast. Do it all. Just tell them not to listen. I think we're at the point in our time spent together.

SPEAKER_02 29:39

I know, and now I know that some of my patients listen. Oh, god, you guys know everything that's going on in my life. They're like, how's everything going? I'm like, great, amazing.

SPEAKER_05 29:47

I'm like, I'm good.

SPEAKER_02 29:48

They're like, oh, how's how's your husband? I was like, he's good.

SPEAKER_04 29:53

Great, thank you very much for asking. We had a great weekend together.

SPEAKER_02 29:56

So what'd you do this weekend? Um, what did I do this weekend? I know.

SPEAKER_04 30:03

I'm just like, uh I'll tell you what I didn't do.

SPEAKER_02 30:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 30:08

I didn't sleep at home.

SPEAKER_02 30:09

I'm like, I played some pickleball. Can response. I played pickleball. Yeah, I hung out. Yeah. Yeah. Then I'm like, what did you do? Yeah. Tell me more. Exactly. This is a great exercise in not talking about myself and not oversharing because everyone wants to know everything all the time. So it's great exercise of just being like, mind your own fucking business.

SPEAKER_04 30:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:28

The art of sidestepping.

SPEAKER_04 30:30

Just because you asked me doesn't mean you get to know.

SPEAKER_02 30:32

Yeah, it's good media training, how to sidestep a question. Yeah, just circle it back to them.

SPEAKER_04 30:37

Oh, yeah. When I manipulate at parties and I want somebody to talk to me, entertain me, I'm like, tell me more about yourself. You seem like the most interesting person.

SPEAKER_02 30:45

You're an interesting person in the world. They love it.

SPEAKER_05 30:49

They laugh it up.

SPEAKER_02 30:50

We're not ones to sit around and talk about our feelings because what's that gonna do? I'll let you know. You're never gonna tell me. No, if you see me crying, then you'll know. They're there. They're there. They're there. Too much a pull-take. Can you give me a speaker in harvest bowl? Life is weird. It's definitely changing. At the same time, I'm like, what am I doing? What is my life all about? What am I gonna do with my life?

SPEAKER_04 31:17

Oh, well, when I said I was gonna kill myself because I don't have a podcast career, you told me that was too dramatic.

SPEAKER_02 31:22

Yeah, then I'm like, I don't know what I'm doing. Same shit. Yeah. Our podcast is working out, and we are podcasters and content creators. That's our job. Oh, really?

SPEAKER_04 31:33

That content creating job thing. Although I haven't been paid yet, yeah. We're getting close.

SPEAKER_02 31:38

Yeah, I'm gonna start mine. That's a good project to work on tonight, too. Activities alone.

SPEAKER_04 31:47

And I do need to keep hanging out for the plot. Right. Our life's not that dynamic yet. No. You know, you do want alone time sometimes. And tonight should be your night. Because you won't be alone again for a minute.

SPEAKER_02 32:02

No, because I'll be out tomorrow. Friday we'll do something. Saturday, I've got plans. What are you gonna do Saturday? I got a lot of pickleball. I have tournament. Oh yeah. And then whatever else we do. And then Sunday, I don't know. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yep. So yeah. Have you noticed any quirks about me since we've been living together? Oh, you guys. This is so funny. So this is, you know, my practice and being an independent woman.

SPEAKER_03 32:32

Practice.

SPEAKER_02 32:33

And my law and my laundry is still getting done by Chelsea.

SPEAKER_04 32:38

I'm a little more nurturing than you know.

SPEAKER_02 32:40

You are.

SPEAKER_04 32:41

And a little more motherly.

SPEAKER_02 32:42

Yes, you are. Yeah. Uh-huh. You're very nurturing.

SPEAKER_04 32:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:46

Yeah. So I never have to do laundry.

SPEAKER_04 32:49

She still will not have to do it. I'm gonna teach her. Well, I was like, all right, bitch, I'll fold it for you, but I'm not putting it away. That is where the rubber meets the road. And of course I didn't talk to her like that. Okay, so uh, you know, I washed them, I separated them, I folded them. And I was like, Lindsay, I am not putting this away. So I followed her into our closet. God, that's the world's greatest closet.

SPEAKER_02 33:08

Oh, it's amazing. And we're not even utilizing it to its full capacity. It is 25% full. It's amazing.

SPEAKER_04 33:14

Oh, it's so large. It's nice not to have it fold to the brim right now. Yes, it's it's very soothing. Anyway, I'm holding out her folded clothes in my arms, and I'm like, Lindsay, right here, right now we're putting this shit away, okay? So the top layer is like bra, undies, those tiny little socks that you wear. Okay. And then sports bras, put that away. Okay, and then skirts go here, and then oh, the shorts under there too. Oh wow. And the what shots and then the clean towels right there.

SPEAKER_02 33:49

You know, thanks for making me do that because I would have taken the pile and set it on a shelf and then I would have dealt with that later. I know. Yeah, I hate putting I hate laundry. I hate putting laundry away.

SPEAKER_04 33:59

That's why it was safe then. Because I do it like two or three times a week. So the put away is not overwhelming. I do not wait.

SPEAKER_02 34:07

And oh another thing, I don't know if I started the dishwasher. I felt like I pressed start 10,000 times and I'm like, I don't know if it's on.

SPEAKER_04 34:15

I don't think it was. Okay. But I went back and I fixed it. Okay, thank you. Did you notice any quirks that I might have?

SPEAKER_02 34:25

Um, no, just that you do laundry every few days. Yeah. Yeah. It's the right thing to do. Like, I didn't know that you love to do laundry so much. Because like the first thing we did, you're like, I need laundry detergent. We have to get laundry detergent. And I was like, okay. Like, I didn't get it, but now I get it. You do a lot of laundry.

SPEAKER_04 34:48

Um, I come from a line of washwomen with their washboards. Literally. My mother is obsessed with doing laundry.

SPEAKER_02 34:58

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_04 34:59

Obsessed, like on vacation.

SPEAKER_02 35:01

Yeah, and you even separate the colors and white things. It's a tricky thing to say these days.

unknown 35:11

The whites and the colors.

SPEAKER_01 35:13

Say it. Say it, say it. Whites and colors. Whites and colors. Whites and colors. There's no way to say separating the lights from the darks. You can't. It's fucked either way. You mean you separate them from the more saturated from the less saturated?

SPEAKER_04 35:34

Yeah, I do. Yeah. I was actually thinking about that. That's really funny that we got to that joke. Because the whole time I was like, there is no world in which you can be like, do we still separate our lights from our darks? You're talking about laundry. Yes. I really don't think there is. Um, yeah, and with my roommate, it was a fucking fight to get in line for the washing machine. That fucker would be running the washing machine at 6 a.m. Oh, yeah, yeah. You had to like beat him to it in the morning.

SPEAKER_02 36:05

And then he would say real roommate shit right there.

SPEAKER_04 36:10

It was a real problem. He would leave his shit in the dryer in order for me to put my items in the dryer. I had to take his stuff out. And the moment of truth is, do you fold their shit? Or you just throw it somewhere else. Or just put it on top. Because even though none of your items are in that completed cycle, I always fold it.

SPEAKER_02 36:33

Yeah. That's a nice thing to do. It's the right thing to do.

SPEAKER_04 36:37

And it pays itself back in spades.

SPEAKER_02 36:38

And also how we have our training wheels on. Currently the cleaning ladies are. We're so full of shit, you guys. Oh yeah, we're really roughing it out here. It's so hard.

SPEAKER_04 36:51

We are our Barbie dream house where we live alone. Today I went on live and someone was like, You're you're literally the greatest. And I was like, okay, knock it off. Somebody came back and was like, Yeah, what William 4266 said. And they're like, Okay, you guys, that's enough. And then real time I made a joke, and they're like, That is why you're the goat. I was like, okay, slow down.

SPEAKER_02 37:18

And that's where you and I differ. What? I'd be like, Yeah, I know. You're so gracious. And I'm like, Yeah, I know, I'm great. Thank you. Uh yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 37:30

I mean, look at me. I was just splattered by the compliment.

SPEAKER_02 37:37

Yeah, of course. You should be.

SPEAKER_04 37:38

Yeah, that was good. Yeah. I do like a real-time quick-witted thing.

SPEAKER_02 37:41

And you're like, oh my gosh, you guys, you're so sweet.

SPEAKER_04 37:44

Oh my gosh, not it.

SPEAKER_02 37:46

And I'd be like, yeah, I know. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 37:49

Get a load of this one.

SPEAKER_02 37:50

I think we're gonna wrap it up. I think the cleaners need to get into the office. They do feel like they're getting closer. They are getting closer. We like pick up our feet. I know. I'm like, I'll just put my feet up on the table and you guys can go around me.

SPEAKER_04 38:07

You're like, not now. I know.

SPEAKER_02 38:10

I was like, so we're gonna be recording for the next hour. Um you're not gonna make any noise, are you? Yeah, I was like, is it gonna be loud? Savage. I would not have said anything. I'm not scared. Well, make sure you like, subscribe, follow at honestly smartless, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, wherever your podcast. Share this with all of your besties. Let us know.

SPEAKER_04 38:31

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, we love you. Let us know what you think about the new setup. Yeah. Just like it. It's cute. It's super cute. If you don't like it, tell us why. Yeah, tell us why. Brought to you by Essentia Water. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. When you get thirsty. Yep.

SPEAKER_02 38:48

All right, we'll see you next time. Bye.