Nip Slips and Psychics

A psychic, a nipple, and six days of radio silence. 

Lindsay takes her first solo vacation. The psychic says full-time podcaster by end of year and rich in three. All while she accidentally flashes her nipple in a reel. Chelsea gains 2,500 followers. Chelsea is embracing the UGC life, kinda. The Cyber house has a nature trail and no TV. Everyone's snowglobe is shaken up.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I'm showing my abs and then I forgot my torso so short that I looked up my boob hangs low. Yeah, my boob hangs low. My torso's so short. There's only like two inches of room right here to show off. And I went an inch too high.

SPEAKER_03 0:18

Hello! And welcome to this week's episode of Honestly Smartless. I'm Chelsea Toronto. And I'm Dr. Lindsay. And welcome.

SPEAKER_01 0:25

Each week we're just two dumb girls, chit-chatted away. Sometimes we're smart, always hilarious. And we're in a new space today.

SPEAKER_03 0:31

Another new space this week. We're in my bed. Oh, for all those people insistent on a three-way. Good grief. We are over it. We're so close. Just need one more. Look, there's space right in the middle, right here. Joke's on you.

SPEAKER_01 0:48

You're gonna fall right between the cracks. Fun fact this is a king-sized bed, but it's got two twins put together. Yeah. Yeah. That's how you make a king. My phone got lost in the crevasse last night. And I had to walk down the three flights of stairs to try to find a long pole.

SPEAKER_03 1:04

If we had had a threesome, we well, A, we wouldn't have needed it because they would have been in the crevasse. B, they would have had the long pole. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:15

So dumb. How's that long pole of yours going?

SPEAKER_03 1:20

Pretty good, actually. Oh, okay. Tell me more. I enjoy their company immensely. Doing what? We go out to dinner. And then do Bible studies.

SPEAKER_01 1:34

Fun Bible studies. You guys do anything else besides dinner? Do you go to a movie? Do you go anywhere? Travel. This this is an audio show. I shook my head.

SPEAKER_03 1:52

This is an audio show, she says. Shopping? Oh. Well, certainly a lot of money has been spent on food. Theme park. Um little trip up to the mountains. We've done a couple of day trips around the foothills. I think at the beginning we did a lot of like random fun activities, like newly dating. Certainly you get mindful of like, is this the rut? Is this Oh geez, I hope not. It hasn't been long enough to have a rut. But I don't okay, maybe rut's not the right word, but maybe rut is for like a failed marriage. Rut is not for the best sex of your life.

SPEAKER_01 2:33

Whose company you enjoy immensely. Should I be mindful? Well, do you want to be doing those things? Do you want to go somewhere? Or I don't think someone has to be like, okay, I'm going to take you shopping. But if you're bebopping around and you find something, should be like, hey, yes, I will buy that for you. You know, you know how we like to lollygag and go to different stores and be like, oh my god, it's so cute. Then the right response would be like, yeah, get it. I'll get it for you.

SPEAKER_03 3:01

Uh gifts are no longer my love language. Okay. What is your love language? With this individual, it is physical touch. Quality time. What are the other ones?

SPEAKER_01 3:13

Um words of affirmation. Pass. Mm-mm. I don't need that. Um gifts. You said quality time, physical touch and acts of service.

SPEAKER_03 3:32

Well, certainly having my favorite Celsius stocked in all times is really romantic.

SPEAKER_01 3:37

I think acts of service is actually probably your number one. I think life in general.

SPEAKER_03 3:43

I think it's 1A. If I take a step back and do a little inventory, I'm very lucky.

SPEAKER_01 3:51

You're so lucky.

SPEAKER_03 3:52

What I hear out on those streets is that's hard out there, and um, you're having a great time. I feel very, very lucky, and there are times when I want to reach out and express my gratitude. I don't want it to be received with a heart. Because it is my nature to express my gratitude and to give compliments. I do it at work, I do it with you, I do it everywhere. I just want to express gratitude. Some people say, I can't tell if you're being sincere in the way in which you deliver it. Yes. Do you believe that to be true?

SPEAKER_01 4:25

Yes. Because sometimes the way you say it, I'm like, I don't know if you're high as fuck and you're speaking nonsense or if that's a real compliment. Can you give me an example? Yes. Claudia, I love you so much. You're amazing. You're the best person I've ever met in my entire life. Okay, all right. Of course I was on drugs.

SPEAKER_02 4:44

That's not fair.

SPEAKER_01 4:45

It was a mushroom and a half. Okay, is there any other example? You and Cyber, when I have seen you interact, you're like, Oh. Did I tell you how amazing you are? You're such a great guy. You're so good. That is real as fuck. Yes. But it doesn't sound real because it's so enthusiastic and it's over the top all the time. I know. When I take a compliment, oh, that looks really good on you. I'm like, I know, thanks.

SPEAKER_03 5:10

Okay, yeah, that's exactly what I'm trying to avoid. Even though you say it like that, you still get a I know, thanks. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 5:16

I don't I don't know how else to change my I don't know. You're very complimentary. I think some people just don't think it's real because it's so many compliments. Who gives off that many compliments? Why wouldn't I?

SPEAKER_03 5:27

Well, here's the um, I'm grateful.

SPEAKER_01 5:30

I feel like it's good. It's so great, right? Like I don't think I'm just keep it going. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:34

I'm not doing anything wrong. Is it just like stop and get yourself a little pep talk?

SPEAKER_03 5:42

Are they getting a cheat code that hear everything? Sure.

SPEAKER_01 5:47

It is all good. It is all good.

SPEAKER_03 5:50

It's pretty fucking dope.

SPEAKER_01 5:51

Yeah. I am into it. So I think you should just stick with what's great. Like like both of us, but then it seems to go to threesome territory. And I don't want them to like that either.

SPEAKER_03 6:00

It's never been an issue before, but you've never been in a position which someone could entertain the idea of possibly having a three-way.

SPEAKER_01 6:08

Right.

SPEAKER_03 6:08

How about that?

SPEAKER_01 6:09

How about that? Okay.

SPEAKER_03 6:10

I guess people call it threesomes.

unknown 6:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:12

What happened in the three-way? Three-way phone call. Three-way phone call. I'm on the phone with Nicole right now. Oh, wait, shit. I told her I wasn't gonna talk about her because she's like, it feels like you guys are gossiping about me. My friend Nicole from seventh grade. When you do a three-way on the phone with your best friend, then you dial someone in. They don't know if someone else is listening. And you're like, what do you think about my friend Nicole? And then they're like, she's such a dumb bitch. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:36

I don't like how it feels. I feel aggressive.

SPEAKER_01 6:42

Also, because you're doing so much UGC content and constantly talking to yourself on the camera for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours. And you said it's very isolating. Yeah, that doesn't help either. Is it parry or is it content creative?

SPEAKER_03 7:01

I don't struggle from vaginal dryness.

SPEAKER_02 7:13

And my libido is great. Yes, I think you're good. I'm so happy. Look at me, I'm all over the park.

SPEAKER_01 7:24

Um, yeah, UGC is fucking wild. Tell us more. I hope to be on that train soon. Don't worry, I'm getting back to work. Okay, you guys, get off my ass. I took a two-week vacation because I was on vacation and I just need a mental break. I'm back, okay? You will be getting this episode out in a timely manner and all the clips with it. Uh, I am so grateful to Cyber for this house.

SPEAKER_03 7:48

Oh my gosh, I know. In all seriousness, thank you so much to Cyber because what you have allowed me to do is A, be safe, B, start to heal from uh a challenging living situation. But number three, and maybe the most important, I've been granted the gift of all creative freedom, i.e., to make money. This job is so embarrassing. No, it's not. I imagine I will get used to it. Maybe akin to when I started posting reels in the beginning, and now you just do them off the cuff. This second campaign I've done, I've only two campaigns in. Oh, I gotta do that weed bO tomorrow. Get your bO! Get your weed bOGO! Buy one joy, get one free. She's ready to take over. This house is magnificent because each room looks like advertisements.

SPEAKER_00 8:48

Yes, when they're doing their advertisements.

SPEAKER_03 8:52

Advertisements. Hashtag ad. Hashtag sponsored post. Every shot looks like something you've seen, which is kind of cool, right?

SPEAKER_01 9:03

Yeah, there's a bedroom, there's an office, there's an outdoor, there's a porch, there's greenery, there's kitchen. Oh my god, the kitchen's amazing.

SPEAKER_03 9:10

It's not a home necessarily at this time. Right. It's perfect. I'm so grateful for every shot. I'm like, wow, this really looks good. Good job on this clean aesthetic. It's very uh pleasing to the eyeballs. I'm kind of cranky. And I'm sorry. That's okay. It makes me want to cry every time I open my mouth. Oh. Please don't cry. It's okay. Luckily, I don't have to get blowjobs.

SPEAKER_02 9:37

Because I would be crying. Crying. So far open.

SPEAKER_03 9:48

But I'm good at telling stories. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 9:51

You're like, how about this? Instead of giving you a blowjob, I'm gonna tell you a really good story. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 9:56

Yeah, no, they're like, yeah, get up here, get up by my ear, get away from my dick. Did you know? Did I tell you this? 70% of the things I've said up until the last two weeks. You didn't hear it. I was like, what do you mean? You didn't. He's like, well, you've been kind of whispering. And I was like, God damn it, that was some real good shit back there. So now I gotta remember. But I have since upped the ante.

SPEAKER_01 10:21

Well, circle back with what you were saying and just say it in a slightly louder whisper.

SPEAKER_03 10:26

And at one point, he was leaning his head into it. I was like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I forgot. It's not loud enough. So I do think I found a really good landing spot. Yes, you did. My talents are really being showcased here. My big mouth. PSMR whispering the stories. Yeah, don't whisper too much because I can't hear dick.

SPEAKER_01 10:49

Um, I was in San Diego.

SPEAKER_03 10:52

How was it?

SPEAKER_01 10:53

I went all by myself. I've never gone on a solo vacation before where I actually paid for everything. I've never been on a solo vacation. This was me all by myself because my husband uh had a work trip in San Diego. You know that we have not been spending time together. I'm not living at my house right now. I'm in content creator Barbie Dream House. And since he was doing a work trip and it's just been a little bit rocky, I was like, you know what? I do want to go to San Diego, and I want to do a solo trip because you will be working and I just really need some time alone. He's like, What do you mean, time alone? We're already not spending time together. Yeah, but like I'm still working, I'm still around people all the time. I have not had a reset where I can think, do my own thing, and be on my own schedule. I was able to do whatever the fuck, whenever the fuck I wanted, and not stick to a schedule and just lollygang around and buy myself a nice lunch, maybe go shopping, hang out by the beach. Of course, I have 20 things on the itinerary to do, and I did two of them. Perfect. Yeah, which is amazing. There's so much beach time. Here's an update. I now like the beach. I don't like the water still, but I like the beach, and I don't mind the sand being all over me.

SPEAKER_03 12:03

Again, you are my north star, and this north star is like now in the south pole. Uh-huh. You are fucking up my snow globe right now. I know.

SPEAKER_01 12:11

I'm fucking up a lot of people's snow globes. Well, that's fair. Yeah. Um everyone in my orbit, your snow globe is being shaken up hard. Yeah. And I'm not putting it down anytime soon. Um, I went to go see a psychic when I was there. Oh, tell me everything. Yes. Oh, I love this shit. Of course I love that shit. Let's see. What did the psychic say? So have two questions on your mind, and then we can go from there. And like in my mind, I'm like, okay, podcast, podcast, podcast. When am I gonna be a full-time podcaster? When we have full-time podcaster, and second thing, what's the marriage situation? Of course, she picks up the marriage situation first. I'm like, ugh.

SPEAKER_03 12:48

So easy to talk about this.

SPEAKER_01 12:49

I don't want to do that.

SPEAKER_03 12:50

It's low-hanging front.

SPEAKER_01 12:51

She's like, you're such a good person. You cheer for everybody. You have such a positive outlook on life. Oh, she was like, so three years ago, huh? That's when you guys started to grow apart. I was like, mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 13:00

Nailed it.

SPEAKER_01 13:01

Nailed it. Then she was saying, you know what? You knew from the beginning it was doomed, but you still wanted to do it because you're so determined to not be a failure. You want to show everyone that you do it and you prove people wrong. She did say the podcast is a full-time job by the end of the year. Okay, cool. I was like, okay, cool. Because that's what I want to do. She's like, shut the fuck up. She's like, so your job right now, you're helping people all the time. Yeah, I don't want to do that. She's like, no, you're creative and artistic. I'm like, I am. So when is that happening? She's like, end of the year. I'm like, okay, what the f thank you. That's all I wanted to know. I'm like, full time? She's like, full time. Like, okay. So then between podcasting and content creating, full time. So I just have to move forth as a podcaster and a content creator.

SPEAKER_03 13:44

How do you do that?

SPEAKER_01 13:46

Um, you know how you were on my case today about not doing my homework. I need to do my homework, which is a good reminder in the best way.

SPEAKER_03 13:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:56

You know, like carve out the time to do it because it's my job.

SPEAKER_03 13:59

But it is the life we want.

SPEAKER_01 14:01

Right. My job is podcasting, content creating.

unknown 14:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:04

So treat it like a job. Yes, that is my job.

SPEAKER_03 14:08

That is what I do. Okay. Okay. You know, two years ago when I went to Japan, that was my first experience identifying as a podcaster. Because what I was out there celebrating Ken's birthday and Hana was there. The whole family was there. And every time they introduced me to someone, they said, This is Chelsea. She's a podcaster. Yes. And how did that feel? It was wild. You're like, What? So I was there for 10 days. By the end of the trip, I started to believe it. You should try the same thing. Just for funsies, as you make new friends, you should just try it. Right. You like it.

SPEAKER_01 14:50

Well, today I went to go hang out with new friends. Did you introduce yourself? No, because my patients were there. You know, I've never been like, I'm a chiropractor. Yay! I'm like, I'm a chiropractor.

SPEAKER_03 15:00

Yes. Can I tell you something? At my restaurant and getting scheduled so infrequently. Yikes. But you know what? That leaves more room for the content. It's amazing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I knew it. We talked about it briefly, but it was like, if all things are on the space line, initially waitressing was the majority of my time and content and podcasting was loaded. And now content is digging it out, pulling it ahead. Horse racing analogy here. And the restaurant is becoming more in my rear view mirror, which is scaring me because oh, that's my primary source of income. So now I'm having to talk myself off that ledge, like, no, this is what we wanted. This is what it was supposed to look like. I'm getting exactly what I want, but I I never imagined what it would feel like. So now I'm like, oh, these feelings of fear or uncertainty. Am I counteracting what I've tried to manifest? Today I felt fatigued because I did content for the majority of two days. There's just so many new feels. Right. I'm trying to process them real time, but I like it. Yes. I like it, I like it. Please don't change anything. Just give me a second to like wrap my arms around this and breathe. I feel so different right now. That's probably the period. But you don't have vaginal dryness. No ma'am. And my libido is exactly where I've always wanted it to be. That's why cyber, listen up. I need this to continue to be what it is for an extended period of time because we're gonna go far. So far. Did you know? Did you know people come at the same time? Yes. That's great when that happens. That happens? Yes. Has that happened to you? Yes. More than once? Yes. More than twice? Yes. Does that happen to you frequently then? Yeah. Oh man. I got a lot to catch up on. That's a good time right there. I think it kind of happened the last time we were together. Uh-huh. He was like, see, I told him we're gonna be so now I'm gonna be hooked on this, and he's the right person to be hooked on. I'm not obsessed with you. I don't think about you all the time.

SPEAKER_01 17:26

Okay, so back to me. Am I psychic? I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_02 17:29

I just I haven't talked to anyone today.

SPEAKER_01 17:32

Or yesterday, really. What else did she say? It's okay that you want to live a big life and you can move on. It's gonna suck real bad when you decide that you're gonna do it.

SPEAKER_03 17:41

Why?

SPEAKER_01 17:42

Because he's gonna make it very difficult. It's gonna be more stressful, like ugh, yeah. Another thing.

SPEAKER_03 17:48

Here we go.

SPEAKER_01 17:48

It's more of that. It's more emotionally inconvenient. Yeah, financially inconvenient.

SPEAKER_03 17:54

That's why we need to stick together. Yeah. We could just buy one set of shampoo and conditioners.

SPEAKER_00 17:59

I know. I thought about that when we I was like, I can use any shampoo and conditioner in this entire bathroom.

SPEAKER_03 18:04

We just cut the cost of life in literally.

SPEAKER_01 18:07

We got into all the same makeup. Oh my god. It's so lovely. And then she's like, you just need to learn to love yourself more and have more confidence. And whoever I let into my life, let them love me. She's like, you never really let him love you. And I'm like, hmm. Deep, deep love. I thought that was interesting.

SPEAKER_03 18:25

Oh, you didn't mention that.

SPEAKER_01 18:26

Yeah. Maybe I just never allowed him to take it really deep. Or I never really pushed it. Or maybe it's just a protection mechanism.

SPEAKER_03 18:46

I guess we don't know. I don't know. I'll talk to my therapist tomorrow. Why? Because No, I mean I get that you're gonna talk to your therapist. Yeah. I use therapy as a means of productivity. When I went I didn't want to unearth psyches, past histories, previous actions.

SPEAKER_01 19:09

Oh I don't want to do any of that. I just want guidance from an outside perspective, how to deal with everything happening. Is she helping? Yeah, I think so. However, I told her about the San Diego trip. I think we'll hang out one day. She's like, Do you think you want to give him more time?

SPEAKER_03 19:26

No, why is it everyone I know?

SPEAKER_01 19:29

And then, well, I didn't say this part about the San Diego story. This is what happened. I had it in my mind that this is gonna be a solo trip because the last time I saw him, he was like, Well, are you gonna go? I'm like, Well, yeah, I always want to go. Just send me the flight info. So he sent me the flight info, and then I never responded because what is there to say? I needed the flight info so I could do my thing. I randomly ran into him, and then he's like, Are you going to San Diego? Yeah. Well, he never responded. Well, now we're gonna hang out. I'm gonna bug the shit out of you. We're gonna do something Wednesday and Thursday and Friday. And I was like, I never agree to that. And he's like, Well, then why are you going? You're working the whole time. You have things to do. Maybe on Friday we can hang out. He's like, No, we're gonna do something Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. And then we kind of like dropped it. Mmm, we'll see. Okay, so then I talked to my therapist and I was like, I don't want to do that. I will give him Friday. And after my therapy appointment, he's blowing me up, like, hey, we're gonna have dinner tomorrow, right? And I was like, I thought I was just gonna see you on Friday. He's like, Where are you staying? Where is your Airbnb? So I called him after work. He's like, Hey, so this whole vacation is planned for us to be spending time together. Like, I made plans for us on Wednesday and Thursday night and Friday all day. We're gonna go kayaking, hiking for this beach. Because like, I never agree to that. He keeps on talking around and around in circles until I get broken down. Then it turned into, well, if you don't want to go on this trip with me, then pay me for the plane tickets and you can go by yourself. Or you can spend Friday and Thursday night. He's like, Why do you not want to hang off me up? Who are you going with? What are you doing? What's your plan? I know this is hard to understand, but I want to step off of the plane, go to the beach, hang out and peace and quiet by myself. He's like, Why can't you do that with me? I'm like, because that's not by myself. I'm like, I just want to do it by myself. I just want to put my toes in the sand and like kick it. He could not get over the fact that it didn't want to do anything on Wednesday. He just thought had big plans. I literally don't have any plans. There's this whole conversation we're having. I was getting so fired up. I'm out in the middle of the street going, Motherfucker! Like, I don't want to do that. I was so mad at myself for letting him talk me into it because he's like, Well, my boundary is that I need to spend more time with you and we need to work on this. The whole point of this trip is to go together. And you saying that you don't want to go together. That's not gonna work for me. So in order to make him happy, then I'm sacrificing my happiness. I did that again. I was just so mad at myself. But you didn't. I didn't. So I sent him a text the next day and I was like, hey, I'm gonna send you the money for the plane tickets. He said, Thank you for sharing your thoughts. And we have not spoken since. That was like six days ago. How does that feel? Good. I thought I was going to see him yesterday when our friends went tubing. He decided not to because he didn't want to see me. So okay. I think I will reach out to him this week so we can have dinner. Because the psychic is like, girl, you gotta move on. I feel very at peace with moving on. I feel so good. It's these little stressors that would have happened if he was there. For example, I miss so many exits and so many turns while driving. Driving with him is such a stressful situation.

SPEAKER_00 22:41

Oh God, it's always like, oh, don't miss the directions. You're gonna be so mad at me.

SPEAKER_01 22:45

And I'm like, uh so the fact that I could drive like a crazy driver and miss all my exits and like so fun. And like not have a plan, not like revolve my day around meals. It's always like, where are we going for breakfast? Where are we going for lunch? Where are we going for dinner? I don't want to revolve my day around that. I will eat when I am hungry, find the cutest place possible and treat myself. Yeah, I felt so good. I get it now. My people are single. You can do whatever the fuck you want. Yeah. Oh my god. Like, what? Yeah. I didn't know. Yeah. I didn't know. It's such a freeing feeling. I made friends with the barista. I made friends with the family in the ice cream line. I'm not ever really alone like that. I can make friends if I want to. It's not that scary. It was so good. I felt so relaxed. I was so proud of myself for going on this vacation and paying for everything and putting my foot down. Independence is very important to me. Um, I was so close to giving in. I would have had a very different experience, and I don't think I would have come back refreshed. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 23:45

But initially, the trip itself was never really a vacation.

SPEAKER_01 23:51

No, it's a work trip. It's a work trip, and I was not even supposed to be there. Period. Period. Hard stop. Yeah. I was not even supposed to be there. Spouses weren't invited. They were not.

SPEAKER_03 24:05

So trying to reimagine it as a couple's vacation, how are you collectively gonna do all these things when they were in work meetings?

SPEAKER_01 24:17

He's gonna blow off like a bunch of events. I'm like, you're there to work. They are on people's asses right now with a magnifier. You need to show up. You want to keep your job, show up and do all the shit.

SPEAKER_02 24:29

He's a pretty good rule follower. 100%.

SPEAKER_01 24:33

So for this again, a break in a pattern. I know he's like, none of that is important to me. Like, I just want to spend time with you. We'll blow off every event. I don't care.

SPEAKER_03 24:42

I'm like, he didn't stand in line with you and forget ice cream.

SPEAKER_01 24:45

So fuck that up. When I thought I was gonna see him on vacation, I went to bed. Ooh, motherfucker. I'm getting so manipulated. I'm so sick of it. Fuck that. I don't want to go. The second I was like, no, I'm going by myself. Right.

SPEAKER_03 24:58

That feels right. I'm sure we're not done talking about the psychic, but the two takeaways, the two major themes I heard honoring your independence, being your own person, yes, and money. Yes. Being controlled by money.

SPEAKER_01 25:12

Yes, very much so. Mm-hmm. I know. So that's why moving forth in my decision making, it is terrifying because I feel like I'm going to be tormented financially. Oh, we are. Yes, we are. Yeah. I know. She's like, you know what? You're gonna be fine. Like, it's gonna be a little rocky. In two years, you're gonna be so good.

SPEAKER_03 25:33

Two.

SPEAKER_01 25:34

I was like, that's a long time. I think it'll it's gonna be okay before that, but like two years.

SPEAKER_03 25:39

Does she know that you've got like a buddy in this?

SPEAKER_01 25:41

Yeah, she does. We're we're gonna be all right. I'm just saying, like, we'll be rich.

unknown 25:45

I can't wait.

SPEAKER_01 25:45

Two years. She's like, you'll be really fucking rich in three years.

unknown 25:48

Oh, three years.

SPEAKER_01 25:49

I was like, I don't know what happens between years two and three, but okay. Years from now, you're gonna have to be everything.

SPEAKER_02 25:54

I know.

SPEAKER_01 25:55

She's like, You'll be fine. You're okay. I'm like, I'm such a resourceful lady. Like, you know what? Life happens for us. Life is clumped to everything. Life loves us. That's why I'm so complimentary. I gotta keep it going. And she said, I'm gonna be just fine because I have so many little baby angels and so many guardian angels around me. Because in my previous lives, I was a therapist and then a midwife. So a lot of baby angels. Maybe that's why you're tired of helping others. I know you're exhausted. Exhausted from helping others. Like, fuck that. I did that twice in a row. And you don't even like babies. That's what I told her. She's like, no, that means you have a lot of angels around you. I'm like, oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03 26:38

I should go to her. I should do a zoom.

SPEAKER_01 26:40

Yeah, do a zoom. And it was really funny because she had a plastic partition on her desk in between us. What the fuck is up with that? So I'm like sidestepping the plastic partition because I'm like, I don't want to get you. Because they're both kind of leaning back. She was really tapped into me. My whole body was like buzzy and tingling.

SPEAKER_03 26:56

It was still tingling when I picked you up.

SPEAKER_01 26:58

Yeah. I was like, woo. Isn't it nice? It wasn't stressful for the airport pickup either. Oh no, it was not. It was lovely. Because it's so stressful. Where are you right now? No, I'm getting shoot out. Okay, no, meet me at the way end. Like, mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 27:11

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 27:13

I just know that we've shared similar stressors in our relationships. Yeah. I had no idea we were going through the same thing. Me either. I feel like a bad friend, actually.

SPEAKER_01 27:24

I think all of our friends looking from the outside in, they're like, What happened? But you guys always like have it together and like it's so good. But we don't know what happens behind closed doors. I wasn't taking inventory about what was happening because I hear all these stories about single people and I was like, Thank my lucky stars that I am married. Huh?

SPEAKER_03 27:42

I heard you say that not too long ago. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:44

I was like, oh, thank God I'm married. I don't have to deal with that. It's not that bad, is it? It's not that bad. I'm just scared of what's on the other side. The unknown, which is fair. I never stopped to think about what was happening. But it's funny that people who just meet me, they're like, Are you sure you're happy?

unknown 28:03

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:04

Yeah. I forgot. Right. And a handful of people.

SPEAKER_03 28:08

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:11

So it took strangers for you to realize.

SPEAKER_00 28:13

Yes. Took a bunch of strangers and a psychic to tell me what's up. Why would I listen to my friends?

SPEAKER_03 28:21

I don't I wasn't in a position to tell you anything.

SPEAKER_01 28:24

Yeah, so it was pretty eye-opening. A lot of clarity. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 28:31

Interesting.

SPEAKER_01 28:31

Mm-hmm. It's an interesting point right now because I hung out with our friends yesterday and he did not show up and they want to get my side of the story. I don't feel the need to share everything. Yeah. They're like, oh, okay. Lawson said that's what you like to do. Oh, that's totally fine. I love him so much. He's such a great person. I'm so lucky to have him. I have nothing bad to say. Literally, I have nothing bad to say at all. And they're like, okay, that's great. Maybe you guys can be friends. I hope so. Like my one friend is talking like it's already over. My other friend is like, she didn't say that yet. Isn't it interesting to see how people react? Yes. And today, husband, friends going golfing, and they didn't want to say it in front of me. Oh, what are you guys doing later?

SPEAKER_02 29:12

Golfing.

SPEAKER_01 29:13

Oh, with who?

unknown 29:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:17

I'm like, okay, cool. I don't give a fuck. You can hang out with everyone can hang out separately.

SPEAKER_03 29:24

You already were.

SPEAKER_01 29:25

I know. And then his guy friend after we were leaving last night. He's like, well, hope to see you again. See you, buddy. Yeah. I know. Uh I'm not even making it weird. I would have gladly seen my husband yesterday. And I would have been totally chill.

SPEAKER_03 29:41

I would have been chill too.

SPEAKER_01 29:43

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 29:44

I'm not mad at him on your behalf. No. Don't be mad. I'm not mad. I'm mad at him on my own behalf. Um, maybe not mad, but I have some healing to do around that relationship as well. We did hold space as friends as a group for a long time. In the beginning it was you two plus me. But then it became three of us. Transitioned a few years ago. More of a friendship. Yeah, I think you guys had a separate friendship outside of our three friendships. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I guess some of the things were triggering because I was also experiencing them at my house. This is a baby version of what's going on, healing from this experience. I don't expect anyone to acknowledge that, but this has been kind of my family. My eyes are there must be allergies.

SPEAKER_00 30:49

There's some wetness coming out of there. The allergies are really picking up in here.

SPEAKER_02 30:55

No allergens anywhere to be found. I don't even have to take allergy pills anymore.

SPEAKER_03 30:59

Because we're out in the country. We're healed. Um, and I said that for a long time that this was my family.

SPEAKER_01 31:06

And now there's another broken home.

SPEAKER_03 31:14

And my single mom is now redefining who you are as a human. Do I even like this? Re-evaluating every decision up to this point.

SPEAKER_01 31:26

Yes, because I am evolving as who I want to show up as and asserting my independence. Sometimes it's like, watch the fuck out. And I don't mean to be so aggressive about it. So I'm trying to learn the balance. Yeah. Yeah. Things are changing.

SPEAKER_02 31:42

For everybody. I'm on period.

SPEAKER_01 31:45

But they're changing together, evolving together, and we're going together. I'm still your family. It's a lot. I am flailing over here, trying to figure everything out. And I'm like, I don't know who I am. Like, what is happening?

SPEAKER_03 31:57

Maybe look for a booked who am I post-divorce.

SPEAKER_01 32:00

Because it's just like, oh my God, I can go any which direction. Yeah. Wild. It is wild, isn't it? It's overwhelming. Yeah. Try not to think that big. Yeah, no, I'm just trying to go one day at a time. I'm just like, today. When I'm really stressed out or like not in control, today is perfect.

SPEAKER_03 32:19

There's nothing I want to change about today. And I just kind of go from there. Yeah. Like today, I have a roof over my head. Everyone I know and love is safe and healthy. I have what I need, like a form of meditation, or just go real small in terms of inventory. And it's my form of gratitude. And then I'm like, of course I want more. But I don't actually need any of that today. Right. You know what I do need is more fucking food. I am starving. I know I was like, I'm kind of hungry. I'm always hungry here because I'm eating like you. I'm a baby bird, and I wait for somebody to put food in my mouth. And I don't eat. So now I guess I don't eat either.

SPEAKER_01 33:04

We can get food after this. Thank God. I am starving. I went to brunch today, and it's like you pay $90 to go to brunch. What was it? Safta? Oh, that's right. It's actually it's so good. It's like Israeli Mediterranean. Have you been there? It's at the Soars Hotel. Um I don't know. I don't know, but I feel like I have. I think just on the weekends they do a brunch. All I wanted was a shakshuka. Tell me. Basically pureeed diced tomatoes with some salt, pepper, seasonings, and eggs that are over easy. It's like a huevos rancheros, but Israeli style. My favorite meal. That's all I ate. That and some pita bread. And I was like, and that's it. This is a tiny little plate. I'm like, and I'm full, so that's fun. I runs on my ass about my weight. It's called stress. And I I'm sick when I eat. Like, even just having a salad, I'm like, I don't feel good.

SPEAKER_03 33:55

So that's one of the benefits of getting divorced.

SPEAKER_01 33:58

Yeah, so weight loss. I know. And then I'd be like, oh, I'm hungry. And they're like, what am I even hungry for? I don't know. Nothing. I have a bite. And I'm like, okay.

SPEAKER_03 34:06

Mm-hmm. Yeah, I'm actually nothing is appealing. No. Nothing. I mean, I am acknowledging the sensation of hunger.

SPEAKER_01 34:13

Yeah. But nothing is appealing to put into my mouth. I'm like, oh.

SPEAKER_03 34:18

I don't love talking about my looks or my weight.

SPEAKER_01 34:22

I know. I don't want to eat pizza. I'm gonna feel like shit later. The amount of gluten. It was burning up. I took my sweatshirt off. I had to sleep topless last night because I was so hot. Me too. I was burning up.

SPEAKER_03 34:33

Oh, can I say one thing real quick? One thing that means a lot to me was sleeping on that patio. Oh. It was so important to me and to have access to fresh air. I'm understanding more because I was so claustrophobic and I felt suffocated. I have all of that here in this place.

SPEAKER_01 34:54

It's perfect. It is perfect here. Thank you so much. I do wake up every day and I'm like, I am so lucky to be here. I walk nature on our nature trail next door. I'm like, this is so amazing. Like, I'm so lucky that this is my morning routine, and I get to walk on this trail and I get to see the same people and like say hi to them every day. Like, this is awesome. Like today's gonna be a great day. It is.

SPEAKER_03 35:15

It starts off as a great day. I feel like Snow White every morning. Yes. Not the princess portion of it, birds chirping. I hear the trees rustling. Like, this is not wasted on me, this amount of access to nature. I was like, because I go over to my old place now, the cacophony, and it's so aggressive, and you can feel the heat. It's not the best of humanity over there. No, it's loud. It's just why this house is great for us. The sensory deprivation.

SPEAKER_01 35:46

No TVs. I never watch TV. Me either. Funny, because at my old house, all we do, we watch TV. That is the activity of choice. Like I watch so much TV. I thought I was gonna miss it. I do not. No. I'm like, oh wow. At very stressful times, maybe reading. Right. Yeah. I'm reading more. Even sometimes I can't even comprehend what I'm reading right now. Not that I'm spiraling out thinking about anything, but it's just like my brain is at full capacity at the moment. Right. I just need to like power down. Sit there in silence.

SPEAKER_03 36:16

Sit outside. Yeah. Stare at the wall. Right? Because subconsciously everything is working over time.

SPEAKER_01 36:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 36:23

Journal.

SPEAKER_01 36:24

Try it. You can be full on psychic if you really tapped in. I think I am. Yeah. You are.

SPEAKER_03 36:31

I think you could be even more powerful. Too. Hey, real quick, I wanted to thank you for that uh viral post you gifted me last week.

SPEAKER_01 36:39

You're welcome. If you are not a follower of at Chelsea Toronto, what you missed is me accidentally giving an under boob. Actually, I'm full-on nip shot of just what my right boob right here. I don't know what I was doing. I was kind of just like readjusting my shirt a little bit, being like, showing your abs. I'm showing my abs. And then I forgot my torso so short that I looked at my boob hangs low.

SPEAKER_00 37:01

Yeah, my boob hangs low. My torso's so short. There's only like two inches of room right here to show off. And I went an inch too high.

SPEAKER_03 37:09

Oh, it was such a great reactive. Lindsay insisted, we bleep it out. I was like, just leave it. You're like, no, no. My body, my choice. That is the right thing.

SPEAKER_01 37:18

Yes, you are right. I was reluctant to give you. I know. I was like, um, I'm gonna take my body, my choice, my creative freedom, and I'm going to put star over my neck.

SPEAKER_03 37:28

All right, fine. Nobody saw anything and they still lost their mind. My page has popped off. I have more than doubled my subscriber base. You're welcome. That is a source of income. Yep. It was at 30 and now it's at 70. Wow. That's the most it's ever been. That's awesome. It's so high. All of my reels, nothing less than 15,000. That's amazing. And then I gain probably close to 2,500 new followers. Okay. So can you take your telephone off? Because I need you to. I need I just am so close to getting back to 30,000. I really want to get to 50. Just it's an arbitrary number. Right. But it does show legitimacy. Yes. Can you take something off this time?

SPEAKER_01 38:18

What can you give me? Maybe I'll turn around and take my bra off. Yeah, that's good. You know? That's good. I think they'd like it when guest are every once in a while. Who's that? You know, I also think that I think they like moves.

SPEAKER_03 38:31

I would love to see some of your moves. Oh. Do you have moves to share with me?

SPEAKER_01 38:38

Do I have moves to share with you? Not really. I'm sure you know all the moves that I know. Do you have like a go-to move? Getting it from behind. Yeah. How so? Just because you puppy pose the shit out of it? You puppy pose or tabletop? Sometimes puppy pose. And then sometimes it's like a half table, half puppy. Sometimes you're like holding onto the wall for dear life. And then one arm up, one arm down.

SPEAKER_03 39:05

I think you should show me. Uh we could make it a carousel.

SPEAKER_01 39:10

And you're never on top. I'm never on top. It's just not my fave.

SPEAKER_03 39:14

Why not?

SPEAKER_01 39:15

Um, I feel I need to be very uncomfortable. It's hard. Oh no, my legs hurt, my hips hurt. I don't have cardio. Hip flexors get really tight. Usually when we're having sex, I just woke up and I was like, I'm not going to be doing that.

SPEAKER_03 39:30

This sits with cyber.

SPEAKER_01 39:31

He's like, you want to take a sple. Um I don't find being on top to be like, oh my god, this is like so hot.

SPEAKER_03 39:39

You want a poundtown?

SPEAKER_01 39:41

Oh, pound town. I used to love poundtown, but now Do you know this one where you're like, and then there's like in the morning kind of thing? Yeah, but you're like facing each other.

SPEAKER_03 39:56

Ew, no.

SPEAKER_01 39:58

Oh.

unknown 39:58

Ew.

SPEAKER_01 40:00

Facing each other. Yeah, facing each other. And then this leg is like you show me later. Yeah, I'll show you later. Can we have the camera recording?

SPEAKER_02 40:10

I know some people would love to see it.

SPEAKER_03 40:12

29.8 to be exact.

SPEAKER_01 40:15

Maybe that's on your subscription page. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 40:17

Yeah, we can do that too. Uh-huh. Well, that's how we convert them to subscription. We actually sh sell subscription short. Yeah, you know, oh, you want to see the rest?

SPEAKER_01 40:26

It's on subscription.

SPEAKER_03 40:27

There you go. Yeah. Um, okay.

unknown 40:29

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 40:30

No, don't, we're not done yet. We're not done yet. Oh. So that's that's your mo that's your position.

SPEAKER_01 40:34

Yeah, that's a really good one. Because when you're in that position, then you can like grab his balls. And you can have your vibrator going at the same time.

SPEAKER_03 40:43

Oh, good God.

SPEAKER_01 40:44

Or both. One or or either or. What? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 40:49

I have never had success using a vibrator during sex. During like penetration.

SPEAKER_01 40:56

Oh, yeah, I have. That's a good feeling. I have a lot to learn.

SPEAKER_03 41:01

I think you're right on track. My neck down has a lot to learn. I don't know how to turn my mind off.

SPEAKER_01 41:08

I think it's the meds a little bit. I could definitely turn my mind off. Or just really zone in and be like, fuck yeah. I should look it up. My chat's so dumb. You have to focus on the sensation that's happening. You know how in yoga they're like, breathe into it.

SPEAKER_03 41:25

Oh, that's really funny you should say that. Because I have been trying to breathe into when I masturbate.

SPEAKER_01 41:31

Yes. That would help. Yes. I think Tat the Realtor saw my vibrators in my drawer over here. How do you know? Because all the cords were put away in the drawer that were over here on the bed. Oh man. It's really cute though. The rubber ducky.

unknown 41:50

What?

SPEAKER_01 41:50

The rubber ducky vibrator that I bought.

SPEAKER_03 41:52

I don't know that I knew it was a rubber ducky.

SPEAKER_01 41:54

Yeah. It's like a rubber ducky. Here, let me show you. Does it use its duck lips?

SPEAKER_02 42:05

It looks like the ducks we got. Claw machine. How the heck do you use this?

SPEAKER_03 42:19

Is that all this does? Yeah. And do you use this?

SPEAKER_01 42:24

No, just no, like the mouth part. Isn't it so cute? Yeah. It is cute. It's so cute. We can get rid of the other ducks. I know. This is the only duck you need. Hustlers, Hollywood. Thank you. Oh yeah. Yeah. We got lucky going there. And then the other one I bought is so adorable. You guys are along for a very transformational ride. So informative, no doubt.

SPEAKER_03 42:54

Just when you thought things were getting stagnant. Mm-mm. No ma'am. No. We get bored of boredom. Yeah. So I decided to fuck shit up. Life was getting fucked up. You're like, so I decided to blow up my life this weekend. Meanwhile, I was dying. I know. Like, I would blow them if I could. I could, I would say. That was the nicest thing I've ever heard you say. Honestly, it was so sweet of me.

SPEAKER_02 43:21

Oh. I meant it. I know. Yeah. I know you did. Meanwhile, I'm like, do fucked up shit, Lindsay. I'm just tired of doing fucked up things all the time. Don't do fucked up shit.

SPEAKER_03 43:30

Well, you better learn. Because you're a new person. I need you to contribute to a fucked up narrative. What are we going to eat? I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 43:41

Alright, we're gonna go eat. You don't hear that very often. You don't. But I feel like eating. And it's not gonna be ice cream because like I don't know. Well, I might have it. Maybe I will have ice cream, that seems to be.

SPEAKER_03 43:52

But I would like a food. Yeah, I should have a food. I should have like sustenance. There is that Mediterranean place over here. Are you done with the Middle East? For today. Is there nothing else you can find there? French fries. Okay, that's I told you.

SPEAKER_01 44:12

I am like my body's like rejecting food. Split uh split an euro. Sure. Yeah. A euro. Euro. Euro. I can split a euro.

SPEAKER_03 44:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 44:22

I don't know what time they close. I don't know either. Probably already by now.

SPEAKER_01 44:26

Okay. Or Trader Joe's again for something. They don't have anything. Oh yeah, they don't have grab and go. They have frozen heat.

SPEAKER_03 44:35

Frozen and heat. Fro frozen and heat. Like it's frozen and then you gotta heat it up. Oh, I see. You know, they're they're big on like frozen food products. Yeah. Please don't let me eat any more spicy mangoes. I won't. Stop being your supplier. I'm not in pain. I just need to steer clear of that. Okay. I did enjoy snacking on it all day long. Touch a new fruit. It was the only thing we had to eat.

SPEAKER_01 44:59

Do you like pineapple? Mm-hmm. Okay, we will get that next time. Okay, we're gonna go eat. Um thank you so much for listening. Yeah. Thank you so much for caring about our lives. Really cheering us on. Thank you for showing up. And make sure you like, subscribe at Honestly Smartless Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, wherever your podcast. Oh, and then I think we'll be going live on YouTube on Wednesdays. Oh, I love that. I didn't know we were doing that. We're gonna do that. T B D. We'll tell you the time. But probably Wednesday night. Wednesday afternoon. Yeah. I love our lives. So we'll see you next time. Bye.