How to Break Up in 5 Minutes

How to break up in 5 minutes:

1. Start a podcast with your bestie 4 years ago
2. Talk about every aspect of your life and your feelings and life decisions.
3. Release the episode before you have a tough conversation with your husband not knowing he will listen to it.
4. Take a 5 minute walk in the park with your husband - guess how it goes from there.

Lindsay is feeling every emotion simultaneously, cried on the treadmill, and is figuring out laundry for the first time. 

Chelsea made the same bed ten times for a NASA sheets campaign and she wants to borrow the rubber ducky vibrator, but that seems wrong.  

And nobody in the Barbie Dream House is making dinner and everyone's thriving. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Yeah. Why did I think of that? I'm an idiot. Welcome to this week's episode of Honestly Smartless. I'm Chelsea Toronto.

SPEAKER_01 0:15

And I'm Dr. Lindsay. And welcome. Each week we're just two dumb girls chit-chatting away. Sometimes we're smart, always hilarious.

SPEAKER_03 0:21

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 0:22

Mm-hmm. This has been the world's longest week in all of history.

SPEAKER_00 0:27

Really?

SPEAKER_01 0:27

Of my life. Talk to me. If you can remember last week, we were talking about. How could you remember? I'll talk about my psychic and what I'm going to do with my life. Sure. And my marriage. Yeah. And I discussed what I was feeling about my marriage. And I was ready to move on. Um to all my friends and family my husband who's listening.

unknown 0:46

Hi.

SPEAKER_01 0:47

Hi. Thanks for coming in.

SPEAKER_02 0:50

I love your support.

SPEAKER_01 0:51

You guys are the best. You picked a very interesting time to start listening. Met up with my husband on Tuesday after I'd posted the episode on Monday night. Oh yeah. And whoops. Yeah. Whoopsie daisies. I do feel bad because when I met him at the park, I could tell he's not in a good mood.

SPEAKER_00 1:08

I'm telling you, no one has a friendly divorce. No one's like, oh, you're the best. This has been such a good time. Ass in kind of hug. He pressure breasts against his chest. In no world. String theory. There is no world in which it's like, I love you so much.

SPEAKER_01 1:24

He listened to the episode. And he heard all my thoughts and feelings about what I was thinking and what I wanted to do before I could actually tell him in person. So do you feel shitty about that? I wish I he would have heard it out of my mouth first. Technically, he did. You mean you wish he had heard it first person.

SPEAKER_03 1:43

All right.

SPEAKER_01 1:44

Okay, so then we meet at the park and he's like, Thank you for initiating this meeting. You're welcome. Well, you can go first. I said, you know what? After spending time by myself and going on vacation and just really contemplating things I want to do, like I just don't think I can show up for you in the way that you need me to show up. And I think we can be done. And he said, Okay, well, that wasn't so hard. And then we turned right back around. This whole conversation was maybe five minutes, and that's it. I was like, wait, what? And I was literally in shock. Like, how did that whole thing only take five minutes? I guess because he heard everything that I said before he got there. So that was honestly the most shocking part of the whole thing. So yeah, I did it. I'm single-ish.

SPEAKER_00 2:36

Woo. How's that going? I don't know. I hope he's tuning in now because there is nothing left to talk about.

SPEAKER_01 2:44

That's it. The end. Yeah. Um, I don't know. Honestly, everything is exactly the same. I'm just in a different house. I do all the same hobbies, I do all the same activities, I'm gone as much as I usually am. I don't know. I feel my time. I'm happy. I'm sad. I'm relieved. I'm excited. I'm numb. I'm in shock. I don't know. Kind of every emotion under the sun all at one time. And then I think on Wednesday, it just hit me so hard. I had to sleep half the day away. And then I went to bed early. And I was like, oh God, I am exhausted. But Thursday I woke up and I was like, woo. And then I'll just cry randomly for five minutes. You know, it just will hit me at a very inopportune time. And I was like, oh man, like running on the treadmill. I started to cry. I'm like, I can't cry on the treadmill. I thought that's what running was for. If you're crying because you're on the treadmill, I must be. I'm like, why am I punishing myself? So that's wild. I did it. Good job. Um we haven't really spoken. Just texting back and forth a little bit about admin stuff. Subscriptions. This is a subscription-based world, and our subscription expired. Sure. Mm-hmm. Do not think about it that way.

SPEAKER_00 3:55

Um You didn't ask me my thoughts, but I'm gonna share them. I feel challenged by the fact that he had a cheat code to this whole thing. I know you feel bad for him, but I don't think it's fair that that party was able to come in and not share feelings or just contribute to that conversation. I don't like the fact that they put that all on you. And I think it was a cheat that well since listening, now you do know how I feel. I think I deserve to know how you feel. It's easy to blame you, but then use you as a scapegoat, and then he got away free of talking about how he feels. Not like, oh, I'll do stuff for you. That's not how I feel. That's a a pledge, an empty pledge. And I guess that is what leaves me feeling challenged. Yeah, that's fair. I mean, you don't have I mean, this is just my own takeaway. Yeah, that's irritating. Okay. Coming from an extensive therapeutic background, I know that you guys have three weeks of therapy, so you guys are catching right up. You're so close. At no point did he talk about his feelings. He said, You are not an equal contributor. He didn't take or acknowledge feelings from his camp. Yeah, how easy is it to blame somebody else for everything? Uh, how about this? My roommate, it was always like, you did this, you did that. And you're like, suck a dick. I dealt with the hand given and I did my best. Oh, you don't like that? Well, maybe you shouldn't have dealt the cards exactly the way you did. That's what gets me challenged. And I think maybe I'm projecting because the two relationships have similarities that overlap. And I'm bleeding the lines. But again, I was very close in this relationship for a long time, and I'm just disappointed.

SPEAKER_01 6:07

You did take some responsibility for some of the things that I had an issue with. Um so yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 6:15

I'm just standing firm in my own thoughts and feelings. EQ is lacking. I don't know why I thought it would show up at the most crucial point. Yeah, maybe we will have a conversation later.

SPEAKER_01 6:27

Or not. Anyway. Your marriage. I know. Now I don't really know what to do. And I'm like, next steps.

SPEAKER_00 6:37

What are you gonna do? I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 6:38

I have to figure out a way to make more money, so that's number one.

SPEAKER_00 6:41

Do you need to make more money, or do you need to just be able to retain all of the money that you make?

SPEAKER_01 6:47

I mean, yes, and making more money would definitely be helpful so I could live.

SPEAKER_00 6:53

Yeah, you and me both.

SPEAKER_01 6:54

What are you gonna do? Well, I'm gonna copy you and do the UGC.

SPEAKER_00 7:00

What's your wish for, homie? She's working all the time. I used to wonder what a split screen of our days would look like. A rom-com. Yeah. This like a time lapse. Yes. The sun goes up and they're doing their thing. And now I live it. And what are you seeing in your split screen? I work just as hard as you do. I used to think I was a loser that just sat around. I think I was a loser at the old house. But I don't feel like a loser anymore. I am working. You are working all the time. With the exception of a hot Wednesday night. I am not working as hard.

SPEAKER_01 7:40

And that is A-okay.

SPEAKER_00 7:42

We're freaky Friday right now.

SPEAKER_01 7:44

Yeah. I would say that the work I do is off-camera. All of the behind-the-scenes podcasting stuff and like all like the setup. Like sponsored. That's huge. Yeah, there's a lot of emails, but I just do it in little pockets of time. Bing bing boom. Like today, I'm learning how to do things by myself and be by myself, and I don't like to be by myself. So I'd rather go out and about and be around people.

SPEAKER_02 8:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:09

Uh-huh. And talk to no one, but I'm still around people.

SPEAKER_02 8:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:12

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I went to a movie last night by myself. The invite. Very good. Highly recommend. Yeah, it's fun watching you try and be by yourself.

SPEAKER_00 8:20

Yeah. You're almost there.

SPEAKER_01 8:22

Well, and it's like weird because like you're here, but then what? I'm like not with you. So that's weird.

SPEAKER_00 8:27

How do you think living together is impacting our relationship? Let's go around and see. Let's say one thing that we don't like about each other, and then we'll say one thing that we like about each other. Oh, uh last week you asked me if I noticed any quirks that you have living together. I can't believe I forgot the biggest one. What? Lindsay showers so many goddamn times in a day. Like three times a day. Three times a day. Look, it's not a problem in any way, shape, or form. And I respect your hygiene choices. However, no, not however. I respect your hygiene choices, Lindsay. But where it's impacting me is I see you shower at the end of the day. I'm like, I'm a fucking scumbag. I'm scummy. You used to say that as a kid. No. You're so scummy. I am so scummy because I'm like, I was just gonna go to bed without showering. Should I not? And I'm like, oh god. And I don't love showering. Um this shower is actually great. Like the water pressure, it gets so hot. I'm obsessed. I like the layout because I was at the end of my rope squeegeeing that goddamn glass shower every day. Because the water, the mineral water, if you remember, my old house had the water was really bad. We used to get amber alerts because the water was so brat bad in our neighborhood. Remember? Um, it's turning my hair green. Anyway, so because the minerals were so hard, did I have to squeegee it? We do not have to do that here. It's awesome. Long story short, I don't want a shower. And you can't make me, but I do because I'm like, oh, she's doing to do it.

SPEAKER_01 10:12

Okay, but I'm also just like a sweaty person. I get so hot throughout the day, and when I'm done touching people, I want to wash that off of me. The main reason is that it's so much easier to wash off my makeup in the shower. Because if I am left to my own devices, that water in the sink is splashing everywhere. It gets everything so dirty, and we have to make it look like we don't live here.

SPEAKER_00 10:33

You know what? The house is immaculate. So if anybody's listening, any potential buyers, welcome. You want to buy this house. It's fabulous. Call us, we will tell you why. Oh, I love this house. Yeah, I love it so much. It's amazing. I love it. Yes. I would be more inclined to not wash my face than take a shower at night. I'm so scummy. Anyway, you do that. So getting back to our one things we hate about each other.

SPEAKER_02 11:00

One thing you hate about me.

SPEAKER_01 11:03

It's only a matter of time. I feel like it's the same because I left today so you could do your work and I could do my own thing. We're not doing more things together.

SPEAKER_00 11:15

No, but I feel like if we don't have as much to talk about.

SPEAKER_01 11:20

Yeah, because we're talking all the time. Every two seconds, if I see you. I have a thought. Stop talking to me.

SPEAKER_00 11:30

We don't have the same um jubilation. Maybe that's not the right word, but like where we're like crawling out of our skin, excited to see each other, like those dogs whose whole bodies wiggle when they're excited to see their favorite person.

SPEAKER_01 11:45

That's so true.

SPEAKER_00 11:46

We have a little less of that. Yeah. And I feel I don't know if I feel bad about it, but I'm certainly like, oh. Oh. Just you again. It's like no one's excited to see each other anymore. That's not true. It's like happy hour pool time, or like tonight.

unknown 12:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:08

It was like a girlfriend day. Oh, or when I see you at work. It's certainly I'm still very excited.

SPEAKER_01 12:12

Yeah, there's still times. It's more of just like, well, now I see you like in passing. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:17

So um, yeah, yeah, that's a good point. That's a good way to say it. And are we getting testier? No, I don't think so. You're like, why are you forcing me to do that? And I was like, well, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 12:33

Because I was busting Lindsay's chops about. Oh, yeah, that's right. You were telling me what to do. I will do this on my own time. I said, because at the end of the day, divorce comes down to money. And I said, I can only handle one thing today, so I will And that was the Hulu account.

unknown 12:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:53

And the internet. I was like, that's all I can handle today, okay? And the water delivery. I can handle three items off of the checklist. That's it. That's it. Yeah. Yeah. We've never talked more in our lives. That's amazing. I can't wait till the day I don't have to talk to my roommate.

SPEAKER_00 13:09

We're getting close.

SPEAKER_01 13:10

Yeah. No, I'm totally fine talking to him. It's very cordial. So far, so good. Yeah. Welcome to the roommate zone. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:18

Um, I'll do it when I want to. Just telling you what's up. Why are you giving me a hard time? Well, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 13:32

I told you it's been the world's longest week. I'm like, that happened this week. Um, yeah, no, you're doing a great job. Thanks.

SPEAKER_00 13:39

Hang in there.

SPEAKER_01 13:40

Oh. I was talking to someone about my six lives that I've already lived. I'm on my seventh, and I am supposed to have eight total.

SPEAKER_00 13:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:46

Your soul can live two lives in the same physical body.

SPEAKER_00 13:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 13:50

So here we go. Tuesday. That's when my new life started. Last two. Oh, I see. Uh-huh. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Cool. I always said when I have a new life, I'm going to do this. And my next life, I'm going to do this.

SPEAKER_00 14:03

Have you started doing that?

SPEAKER_01 14:04

No.

SPEAKER_00 14:06

Cool. Why are you giving me a hard time? Oh, she's getting testy. I don't know. One thing we hate for each other.

SPEAKER_01 14:16

Did you see how skinny Ariana Grande is getting? She's been very skinny, but now she's essentially anorexic skinny. She was anorexic skinny during the wicked tour.

SPEAKER_00 14:27

This is a notch higher. Is that possible? Yeah. Okay, to answer your question, no, I have not seen how skinny Ariana Grande is and why is she struggling?

SPEAKER_01 14:36

Um, well, it's the whole thing about you know having an eating disorder. Someone tells you you look great because you're skinny, she's gonna keep on being skinny. And everyone is commenting on her tour and how she has to be dancing on stage, and how could she possibly be performing at a high level because she has no nutrition in her body? So now she had to make a statement saying, I'm not going to do any other press other than my tour because you guys are being mean. All the comments are oh no, we're bringing back super skinny, cracked out model look from what, the 2000s? Like the 90s. 90s? I mean, yeah, she's she's pretty much.

SPEAKER_00 15:15

She was pretty skinny during the Wicked tour.

SPEAKER_01 15:17

Yeah, she's slightly skinnier.

SPEAKER_00 15:20

What happened to that other lady with the freaky hands from Wicked?

SPEAKER_01 15:23

Uh, I think she's also skinny. Long nails. I don't miss that whole that whole era. No neither. And I've all never watched those movies. Ugh. Good choice. Yeah. That is a good decision. I'm so skinny that even my face is swollen in the morning, I'm still skinny.

SPEAKER_00 15:42

I am tired of having to explain my body.

SPEAKER_01 15:46

Oh, we went out for our girly date dinner to get dumplings. And the server comes back and she said, How are how are you girls so skinny? How are you so fit? What do you do? What do you lift? What do you eat? What what's going on over here? So, you know, Chelsea had to say that we're fit models and we only eat one meal a day, which is pretty much true. I would say a meal and a half. Yes, maybe two. I I think I ate two meals yesterday, and then um lots of coffee or Celsius, and then some water, some fruit, and we work out a lot. I don't know, that's it.

SPEAKER_00 16:26

But she always It's none of your goddamn business. She wouldn't drop it. Nobody drops it, nobody drops it at my work. Oh, never thought I'd be so skinny that I'm making up stories just to get people to stop talking about it. And I don't work at a gym, you know what I mean? I'm just like walking around. If you want, you know, if you work at a gym, it's a little more appropriate to talk about people's appearances, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:52

And like, I don't know, at the gym, it's not even saying, oh my gosh, you're so skinny. It's like, wow, you're so lean.

SPEAKER_00 16:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:58

Look at those legs, they're so lean. Mm-hmm. Oh, I overheard a conversation between two older gentlemen in their 50s. One of them was a patient of mine, and he works out so hard. He tries to get 8% body fat. He is ripped for being in his 50s. And I overhear his conversation of this guy telling him, Hey man, you look so skinny. What are you doing? He's like, skinny. And he came over. I was like, You look so skinny. He's like, Are you kidding me? I look skinny.

SPEAKER_00 17:30

Not jacked, not swole, not fit, not in shape. I don't think there's anything worse you could say to a guy, right?

SPEAKER_01 17:38

No, definitely not. Skinny. It's the most insulting thing you could possibly say.

SPEAKER_00 17:43

Did I tell you that I went over to my my old place, saw my roommate, and he's on GPL1. He has lost 12 pounds already. Wow. He lost 12 pounds in a month. Well, when you have more than 12 pounds to lose, it happens fast. It does. But the fact that you started investing in your appearance and your health the minute I left. I wish people would just be honest and be like, yeah, I want out too. But I guess he has been trying to kick me out for like 10 years. He's like, I've just been waiting for you to leave, bitch. You have been holding up my progress. Fair. Now that I think about it.

SPEAKER_01 18:26

Look, I think we're all thriving. In our separate ways.

SPEAKER_00 18:32

Right? While I can't speak definitively, it appears that we are all thriving. No one's tanking. That's when you should feel bad. I wouldn't feel bad that they chose to listen to your podcast for the first time in a very long time. Because they knew they were gonna get some answers. I know. I feel bad.

SPEAKER_01 18:53

Why?

SPEAKER_00 18:54

I don't know. Well, how about this? You shouldn't have said it?

SPEAKER_01 18:57

Yeah, or I should have posted it later. After I said it in person. That'll be fine. Yeah. What else is going on? How's your new vibrator? Which one? The rubber ducky? Yeah. Um it's good. Should I get that? Yeah, you should get that.

SPEAKER_00 19:16

I want a new one. It has like ten different settings on it. I don't need ten different settings. When is the vibrator community gonna learn we don't need the extra settings? It's like uh or there's like so many different iterations of the exact same thing.

SPEAKER_01 19:42

Or some really fast, really slow, slow, slow, slow.

SPEAKER_00 19:45

Or it's like so do you stick it on you like a milker? Yeah, like a milker. Is this have you ever used one of those before? Yeah. I have not. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:55

I like that one. I like that sensation. It's like, yeah, I guess so. Oh, this is an audio program. This is an audio program. Um, it's a duck, Bill.

SPEAKER_00 20:07

It's a little guy.

SPEAKER_01 20:09

It's a little tiny rubber ducky.

SPEAKER_00 20:10

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 20:11

Lindsay's gonna get it. Show and tell again.

SPEAKER_00 20:13

Okay, Lindsay's not here, so I'm gonna take a moment and explain why I'm asking. She went ahead and bought some new vibrators. That's fun. Nothing says, new me with new vibrators. I am really connecting with this house, and I'm finding it a lot of physical sexual freedom without somebody always kind of lurking around. And so now she's got it in my head because she bought these cute little vibrators when she was on her trip last weekend, and I'm like, I want that one. Long story short, I want one too. I want to do that.

SPEAKER_01 20:47

So this is yeah, if you can see that.

SPEAKER_00 20:49

Nah.

SPEAKER_01 20:51

Yeah, it looks like a career. It's like is it dead? Can you hear that? She's about to be dead. She is about to be dead. And that's high power. That's really high power.

SPEAKER_00 21:09

I was like, and then I don't care for those. You guys just do yourself a favor. Do four settings. Yeah, you really only need like four settings low, medium, high, and high as fuck.

SPEAKER_01 21:21

High as fuck. Oh, yeah. This tiny little guy, it's a bullet. This is powerful. Oh my god. Why is it so powerful? It's so cute. There's strawberries on it.

SPEAKER_00 21:30

If you hook up with a lady and you guys use vibrators, riddle me this. Is anyone using settings four through ten?

SPEAKER_01 21:39

Maybe. Once like settings one through three don't work, be like, all right, we're gonna go for number four.

SPEAKER_00 21:44

Have you ever used setting four through ten?

SPEAKER_01 21:46

Um probably don't know. Maybe. Yeah, you haven't. Probably not. You would not. I don't know. You just click it and then you're like, okay. And then you're like, God, get me back to number three. Will you please do? Like, rotate there, rotate there, rotate there. I thought it's really good. Oh, god damn it. Aw, man.

SPEAKER_00 22:05

I hit the button. Yeah, you should get one. I should get one. Do you know how hard I've been like, Chelsea, you cannot go in and borrow that. I'm thinking I could clean it. Chelsea, you cannot go in and borrow it. No. I have not. But there's a part of me that's like, she would never, I would never know.

SPEAKER_01 22:26

That's so bad. I should never really use them that much. I'm not sitting around like, oh my, you have to masturbate. Oh, now this is a real testament to see how long can I go without having sex. Time's a ticking.

SPEAKER_00 22:45

July 1st. Yep. Nothing longer than eight months. We said after six, it's sad. So we'll see. Well, a year is like, ew, what's wrong with you?

SPEAKER_01 23:00

Well, good thing I bought these cute little vibrators. They're so adorable. Let me see. They're so cute. Give it to me. Give it to me. Mine. I want it.

SPEAKER_00 23:12

Yeah. It's like, you know, if you see the rubber ducky claw machine. Okay, what else? What I'm finding is that with really good sex, you want it more often throughout the week. Oh. So then you're inclined to be like, well, I don't have the opportunity to be with that person who gives me best sex in my life. But I do have a vibrator. Now I have a new one. Stealing yours. I don't know if it's the freedom, it's the house. Maybe it's because I stare at myself all day long. Yeah. I don't know. I need human connection. But right at like the stroke of whatever, I'm like, let's do this. And it's time. And it's time. I don't know what that's all about, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:04

I guess I don't know. It's been a minute, so I'm just like, maybe. But then however all of our podcast dreams are going to come true if I'm not contributing. I need yours. Yeah. I need yours. I'll wash it for you. You can have that.

SPEAKER_00 24:18

I think we have vinegar in the laundry room. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:21

I think we do. Chelsea is a cleaning genius. My dirty ass sneakers, I couldn't stand looking at them anymore. And I that's why I bought another pair. But I'm on. Sorry. Sorry to keep preventing you from buying another pair. I know, but I was like, but I really like this pair and I really like working out in this one specific pair. So I said, Chelsea, help me. So like me, even hanging out with me like Chelsea. My leakers are dirty. And I can't wear them anymore because they're dirty. Clean them for me. Here. No, she told me to put them in the washing machine with bleach and detergent. And I did. I put two pairs in there because why not? Oh my gosh, they look brand new. Like, what? I can't believe they look brand new. There's like coffee stains all over it and like some kind of dirt of some kind. Oh my gosh. And now I'm like, well, should I wash all my shoes? Because that is addicting. And then I'll buy another pair still because why not?

SPEAKER_00 25:27

Any fabric ones, you could definitely throw them in the washing machine. If it was like a leather pair and all you could do was like clean the like the rim or the rubber so that's where a magic eraser is really helpful. Yeah. Or you could get a toothbrush with some baking soda and really scrub it. Ice cold water. I love biology when it comes to cleaning things. She knows her stuff. Thanks. Mm-hmm. Fun fact.

SPEAKER_01 25:55

Yeah. You know what else this house is teaching me to do is to be clean and not be messy. I am so messy by nature. If I had my way, oh my god. That closet would be a hot mess express. My room would be like my bathroom would be dirty, dirtier. I would definitely let my laundry pile up for much longer. Yeah, this house is teaching me to be responsible.

unknown 26:21

Big girl.

SPEAKER_00 26:28

Just like my feelings. Um, you said something earlier that really hurt my feelings. What did I say? Like, yeah, I can make it work. I mean, if I had to rent a studio apartment. You asked me if I could make it work on my own. I know, but I didn't mean literally on your own. I just meant, oh, you're gonna live alone now? I haven't been able to get over it this whole time. And you said it eight hours ago, and I'm still upset about it.

SPEAKER_01 27:02

Not living alone. Um, yeah, it's a literal question. Are you gonna be able to handle it? Living alone? Not living alone. Are you gonna be able to handle it? Living alone.

SPEAKER_00 27:18

I just meant like if you were able to retain all the money you make, yes, would you be instead of having to like pay bills, would you be okay?

SPEAKER_01 27:29

Yes, if you split the rent with me, it would be okay. That's right. Motherfucker, what else? Oh if you're a patient of mine or if you're someone at my work, pretend that you never heard this episode or any before this. Unless we have actually talked about it.

unknown 27:43

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 27:43

It's very challenging. I don't really know what to say out in the world of TikTok and social media. But in my real world, I say nothing.

SPEAKER_00 27:53

If I don't say anything, I'm gonna say it again. I'm feeling very challenged. You know, when people ask me, please don't say anything, easy, easy peasy. But when you use your podcast as your own sounding board where you go to vent, where you just go to talk all things life, but now you've got people participating in your life. It's hard. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 28:21

Here, here's challenging because I don't know what to say without offending people, or I don't know what to say without it circling back and reflecting poorly on me or getting misconstrued about something I said, people being in my business that I don't want to be in my business. That's the name of the game. I guess that is the whole point of everything that we're doing. So again, no one listened in the beginning. I know, and now all of a sudden everyone's listening. I'm like, oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00 28:50

Thanks for listening. From somebody else's perspective, I edit. Oh, from where you're standing, yeah, totally. It looks like it. Sorry. But from me, it was just like, well, this is what kind of what we do, and this is where we talk about things. So now I'm having to compartmentalize all the things. Everything feels different in my life.

SPEAKER_01 29:11

Yeah, I think if we're going to discuss what we normally discuss and how we usually talk about things, you just have to talk to the person before they hear it.

SPEAKER_00 29:21

Well, that's a good rule of thumb. If I learned anything from your divorce.

SPEAKER_01 29:26

Yeah. Say it first person, and then you can say it again later on the show. Okay. All right. That's a good takeaway.

SPEAKER_00 29:32

Yeah. Why didn't I think of that? I'm an idiot. Oh, still got it. Oh, yeah. Do we ever? This UGC, I know I can't stop talking about it, but you're a good friend and you know that I'm still processing. I think this has been happening what now? It's not it's like two weeks. Okay. So just like with any new uh venture, I'll make your ears bleed, just trying to process all the things. But this is like nothing I've ever done before. So four hours will go by and essentially said like ten lines over and over and over again. And it's it's not while you're in it that it's weird, right? Right now I'm doing a campaign selling bed sheets. This is fun. I'm very good at it.

SPEAKER_01 30:30

How many times have you made your bed today? That's a great question.

SPEAKER_00 30:33

Uh okay, to answer your question, I probably made it my bed ten times in about four hours. Oh man. Yikes. That's part of the job, and that's why I'm getting paid the big bucks. But that's not the portion of the job that I'm having to learn how to navigate, but rather what it does to my mind.

SPEAKER_01 30:52

Which I'm also navigating. I feel so fucking squirrely. So squirrely. We gotta get out and get some fresh air and talk to humans. I don't have in person.

SPEAKER_00 31:04

I don't have a lot to report back on. Like, how was your day? Well, let me tell you about this silver technology that's NASA inspired. It keeps your sheets cool.

SPEAKER_01 31:17

I know it's always a running joke. Like, you try being an influencer for a day, but it's hard when you're isolated. It is isolating.

SPEAKER_00 31:25

Okay, everyone's like, oh no, it's it's not hard, but some of the ramifications are unusual. It can be lonely. It is hard on the mind. Um, you go squirrely. You're like, how hard can you? Well, I guess I would not be talking about it so much if I knew what the chemistry is. I guess I can just chat it up. Oh. I feel like I'm getting dull, boring. Um, I feel like my world is getting smaller.

SPEAKER_01 31:53

I guess you're not really having any interesting conversations or human interaction for many hours at a time. You're also not really using your brain because they tell you the lines to do, they tell you exactly how to do it. You do it, and you do it over and over and over and over again. You're not really getting mentally challenged.

SPEAKER_00 32:12

It is mentally draining, though. Yes. I'm not contributing anything intelligent or interesting for us. I feel so mentally exhausted right now.

SPEAKER_01 32:24

Well, okay, let's see. Two weeks of doing UGC. We've been in this house for a month. We're trying to figure out how to survive on our own eating. Food is always a thing. Oh boy, let me just talk to you guys.

SPEAKER_00 32:40

Okay, since moving into our Barbie dream house, what are your top three hardest adjustments? Yes.

SPEAKER_01 32:48

Um, laundry and doing that.

SPEAKER_02 32:53

So dumb.

SPEAKER_01 32:56

So dumb.

SPEAKER_00 32:57

Okay, go on.

SPEAKER_01 32:59

Number one.

SPEAKER_00 33:01

Number one is doing laundry. Yes. Okay, go on. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 33:04

Um, number two is being tidy, clean, and annoying chores. A lot of growth. I know. And number three is trying to figure out what the fuck I do when I'm by myself.

SPEAKER_00 33:18

I imagine that one's a tough one.

SPEAKER_01 33:19

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 33:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:21

Not harder than laundry and chores, though. I told you I would do your laundry for you. No, I'm a grown-up. I can do it. Yeah, but you know, it's okay. No, I need I need to do it. Yeah, we're one day on the weekend and one day during the week. Yeah, literally. What are your top three most difficult adjustments since moving into our Barbie dream house? Eating. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 33:51

Oh, come on.

SPEAKER_01 33:52

Starving to dust.

SPEAKER_02 33:55

Somehow it's my fault. It's my fault. Like, who looked at you for up and you're with Noah. And I'm like, I'm hungry.

SPEAKER_00 34:09

Like, mm-hmm. This is an ingredient household, and I'm not loving it.

SPEAKER_01 34:16

Like today I came home from my activities for the first half of the day. I was like, I'm hungry. I'm gonna eat lunch. She's like, You're making us pancakes, right?

SPEAKER_00 34:24

I didn't say it like that. I said, Are you gonna make a pancake? You're like, No, I'm eating a salad.

SPEAKER_02 34:27

I was like, God damn it.

SPEAKER_00 34:29

My romanti would have been like, Do you want me to make you a pancake? Yeah, I'm so hungry.

unknown 34:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 34:35

Number two, I feel isolated and the silence is deafening during the day. At night, I'm in heaven, heaven on earth. It's not like, oh, there's no noise. You know, the other place was so much activity and life and my dogs. Yeah. You could walk outside and go to Starbucks.

SPEAKER_01 34:57

So what's number three? It's pretty easy peasy, I guess. That's what I was saying. Everything in my life is exactly the same. I haven't cooked dinner in I don't know, um, the month since we've been here.

SPEAKER_00 35:10

No sex and no dinners.

SPEAKER_01 35:11

I know. Like, oh my god, I love not making dinner. Worked out for you. I did. I was like, ooh, I don't have to make dinner, I don't have to be home to make dinner, I don't even have to eat dinner if I don't want to. That's what I'm saying. Oh my gosh, it was such a thing. I didn't realize like how much of a thing it was.

SPEAKER_00 35:25

I don't think I realized it it was such a thing.

SPEAKER_01 35:27

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 35:27

I mean, I knew it w was a thing, but I didn't realize to what how much.

SPEAKER_01 35:32

Uh yeah, so I'm happy to not be cooking and just fending for myself.

SPEAKER_00 35:38

I never cook. You can though. Oh yeah, no, I'm great. I'm good at anything I do, Lindsay.

SPEAKER_01 35:46

Make me a half roasted chicken. You sure will. I barely figured out the dishwasher. She is a growing girl. I know, chores. Chores are difficult. It's housework. Yeah. And I never did that, so I am a real girl.

SPEAKER_00 36:06

Well, you know, the problem is they didn't ask us that. We played roles. Your role is to make dinner. His role was cleaning and doing laundry and stuff. Yes. I mean, he chose those. Yeah. Just like my roommate chose to feed me. Mm-hmm. Everybody chose their own thing. I don't know if this episode's any fun, but we are a good time. Ugh, what else can I tell you? When the fuck are we gonna blow up? Soon.

SPEAKER_01 36:35

By the end of the year. That's what my psychic said. I should book her again and just do like a zoom call for the two of us. Podcast only. Yeah. What was her rate? She booked like $65 for 30 minutes. Why don't we do that? Okay.

SPEAKER_00 36:53

Wednesday.

SPEAKER_01 36:54

That's a fun activity for us.

SPEAKER_00 36:55

The only thing we want to hear about is that business.

SPEAKER_01 37:00

When we tap in, think really hard. One or two questions. All you do is podcast, podcast, podcast.

SPEAKER_00 37:07

Podcast. Like not now.

SPEAKER_02 37:12

Not now. On Wednesday. It's still an audio program.

SPEAKER_00 37:16

Um that's it. Not a tostado, huh? Yep. Why'd you laugh?

unknown 37:25

Why'd you laugh?

SPEAKER_01 37:27

Some vernacular that's slipped in there. That's not in your usual.

SPEAKER_00 37:31

No, it sounds like you. Don't you say that?

SPEAKER_01 37:33

No. Who says not a toastado? Cyber says not a tostado. Oh, he does? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:39

That's so cute.

SPEAKER_01 37:41

You're the best.

SPEAKER_00 37:44

Um, yeah. Cyber's so great.

SPEAKER_01 37:49

There. That's the update that we wanted. Amazing. I'm happy to hear that. The end. All right. Well, it's time to take my third shower of the day. Good times. Yep.

SPEAKER_00 38:01

It was really fun.

SPEAKER_01 38:02

Uh huh. Thanks, everybody. All right. Make sure you like, subscribe, follow at Honestly Smartless, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, wherever your podcast, channels with all of your besties. And we'll see you next time. Bye.