Banana Butt Stuff and Bimbos

PSA: don't shove a banana up your butt and we have a genuinely solid sex trafficking prevention tip.

Lindsay cried at 5:30 on Friday, went out anyway, and became the belle of every bar. 

Chelsea discovered a $20 bimbo hypnosis app at 2AM and nearly crossed over.  (check out WhisperStories.com)

Good Good Golf thought body-checking a woman was great marketing. Is domestic violence ever funny? 

Someone asked if Christ could be the third in their threesome. And no, they have not hooked up. 

Transcript

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SPEAKER_03 0:00

My god, you guys have never hooked up.

SPEAKER_02 0:02

No, I'm not your type. Might be the first time any you've ever heard that where someone's like, no, thank you.

SPEAKER_03 0:07

Like, what? Literally. I don't really understand the words that you're saying. Let's party.

SPEAKER_02 0:16

Hello! And welcome to this week's episode of Honestly Smartless. I'm Chelsea Toronto.

SPEAKER_03 0:22

And I'm Dr. Lindsay.

SPEAKER_02 0:23

And welcome.

SPEAKER_03 0:24

Each week we're just two dumb girls chit-chatting away. Sometimes they're smart and always hilarious. Yay. Uh what's going on? Uh well, we haven't given a PSA about butt stuff in a while. I miss butt stuff. Yes, I just want to give the PSA. Do not stick a banana up your ass. Oh no, why not? Well, you know, there's a lot of pesticides. You're probably not cleaning it after you get it from the grocery store. And when you stick something up there, your booty wants to soup it in. And you know what can happen? Like the peel can get stuck up there. Even when the rest of the banana, you can probably pull it out. And then you have a very big infection. Then you have to go to the doctor and explain why did you stick a banana up your butt?

SPEAKER_02 1:07

People are inserting the banana with the peel on it. Yes. Hmm. They probably think it's less messy. Yeah, it will be too slippery without the peel on it. And smush. It wouldn't be able to withstand the sphincter. No. It's a very strong muscle. It's always trying to grip things. If anything, it would bite that banana in half. You're like, this half is from my butthole, and this half is from my smoothie. I didn't have a knife, so I just stuck it out my butt to cut it.

SPEAKER_01 1:42

And the strings are hanging out of your ass. Like my dog with worms.

SPEAKER_03 1:48

Do you have worms?

SPEAKER_02 1:49

No, that's just the banana panel.

SPEAKER_03 1:51

I know those little strings don't come off cleanly. Oh, so annoying. That's you know, what are people thinking? I don't know. They're like, I just want to shove something up there. I've got a banana. That should work.

SPEAKER_02 2:07

I mean, I could see they didn't have a cucumber, they didn't have a zucchini. You know. I get it. But like this banana kind of looks like I don't know. They both taste delicious.

SPEAKER_03 2:22

It's got an interesting curve to it. Let's see what that feels like. Kind of, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:25

And you know, that firm skin on the outside. Is that an octagon? A hexagon?

SPEAKER_03 2:33

Oh, like a cube. It's maybe octagon. How many sides are there to banana? Like four. It's just like a I feel like it depends on the banana. Some of them are rounder than others. Well, it's not an octagon, right? That's eight. That's eight. Okay. Another PSA for everybody. If you don't want to be sex trafficked, you should cover your body in tattoos because that is look not a hot commodity on the black market. So just in case you're concerned. Any reason as to why traffickers don't like the look of it?

SPEAKER_02 3:11

It makes you look older. You know what? You took the words right out of my mouth. It looks seasoned. You might look weathered. Yes. You look like a mature lady who can bend for herself and you look a little mouthy. What the fuck do you think you're doing? Do you think you're really gonna they'll be like, you know what? Mm-mm. No ma'am. You know what? Have a great day. I'm sorry I bumped into you. She's too much work. The mouth on that one. Oh, the mouth. My dad used to call me mouthy. Didn't love that.

SPEAKER_03 3:41

Well, look at where you are now. I'm using it for good. That's right. We went out on Friday night. Oh, yeah. We never go out on a Friday night, but now we do. Because every Friday night around 5 30 or 6, I get very sad and I cry and I'm like, Well, I don't like Friday nights.

SPEAKER_02 3:58

Historically, every Friday night made you tear up around five o'clock. Yes, it did. Is it getting any better now?

SPEAKER_03 4:06

It was better last week, and then this week, 5 30 rolled around. I was just driving home and I started crying. Maybe because I was in my car driving somewhere, that was the trigger inside of my head at that moment in time to be upset. Okay, so why does five o'clock on Fridays trigger you? In the past, around that time, is the decision. Am I going to go out tonight? Am I going to go out to dinner? Are we going to go do something? Am I not going to be home until 10 or 11 p.m.? Then I'm going to walk in the door and the person I'm living with is going to be mad for not being home. Or vice versa. I go home at 5 p.m. and then I'm pissed. I'm just like, really? This is what I came home for? Make dinner and sit on the couch and watch a show. Like I'm miserable now. So it's like, do I choose to be miserable at 5 p.m. or at 11 p.m.? Mm-hmm. But witching hours really a trigger. Indeed. Yeah. I get that 100%. But this Friday was different. Uh this Friday I was a little upset. But then I got over it because we went out. When we went out, it was a vibe. Tell me. Usually when we go out in Cherry Creek, I don't know where everyone else is going, but apparently, Forget Me Not is a place to go. And the last five times we've been there, the crowd is too old. The music sucks. People are just standing around looking at each other. Or you're in deep conversation in your little booth or your little table that you've been at since 7 p.m. Yeah. Good one. No one's talking to anybody new. No.

SPEAKER_04 5:36

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 5:37

But this time, we rolled in and our matching twinsies outfits with our cute white, wide-legged pants, cute little bodysuits, and Chelsea brought the vibe. She started dancing. The music was good. We start mingling around, chit-chatting up anybody who will talk to us. Um, there's a tall guy there. Oh, yeah, I talked to him. He was basically a celebrity, and people are waiting in line for his autograph. That was the vibe that it was giving. Mm-hmm. He's not a celebrity at all, but all the days.

SPEAKER_02 6:11

Yeah. I should go back and check. Instead of giving people my phone number, I'll just tell them to check my socials. Mm-hmm. It's a lot easier. Honestly. I give it out so they give me a little more respect. Sure. Do you know what? Then you can decide. Do you want to mess with this? Wanna see what you're working with? This is it. So um I do it as a first line of defense, I guess.

SPEAKER_03 6:32

Sure.

SPEAKER_02 6:33

If you like what you see and you want to proceed, okay, cool. Now you know what you're getting. But um this guy gave Dorky Travis Kelsey vibes. Oh, cute.

SPEAKER_04 6:44

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 6:46

So I was kind of waiting to talk to him, but I was like, I'm not standing in line for this guy who's nobody. But then finally, I from like across the way, I'm I like point at him. I'm like, what's your story? He's like, excuse me. I was like, hello, my name is Chelsea. What's your name? I like get all weird. What is but um so we did actually start vibing, and he did say he's like, I'm I'm enjoying all of this. Somebody told me that if I were a superhero, I would be a Pomeranian. I would just squeak and then explode and take everyone down. But I'm cute and cuddly until I explode. And I was like, wow. Okay, thanks, Tyler. You really figured it out. I have always wanted Lindsay to be my wingwoman. And until recently, that was impossible. Just a pipe dream, just a fantasy that I could only imagine in my heart. And never say never. And during the Lindsay Friday night, I'm like, I am so sorry that you are now able to be my wingwoman.

SPEAKER_03 7:58

Don't apologize. I was pre-apologizing because I don't know how to be a wingwoman. I haven't been a wingwoman in forever. So I'm like, I am so sorry if I let you down, but I'll do my best. Oh no, I'm I have a strong sense about how to do crowd work.

SPEAKER_02 8:11

Yeah, I'm like, you're good. You don't need a wingwoman. I just need another human so I don't look weird. Yeah. I was trying to teach Lindsay all the things. So listen up. If you're going into a club, or I well, I can only speak for this, forget me not, but this is what has worked for me in the past. Go to the it's no different than the art of war. You get yourself to the highest point in the room in which you can have observation and kind of assess what's going on. This just happened to be near the restroom, and then you've got the perspective where you can see the whole bar, right? So you're kind of seeing what's working, where to go, bloody blah. I I don't know. It takes it gives me a second to take a beat and kind of assess what makes sense here, right?

SPEAKER_03 8:57

You tested me immediately. You're like, okay, Lindsay, where are we gonna go? Left or right? And I said left because that is by the restroom, and I know that is where we go. And I was right, yes.

SPEAKER_02 9:08

I was right. I mean, I've done it. People just think I'm a fucking idiot, but every time I'm fucking right. I don't know. I should I speak in a way in which people take me more seriously? Because I'm like, every time I think it's just because I sound dumb. Like, yes, she'll see. We went to the back. I'm like, but it was fucking right, wasn't it? Because you can't see anything on the right side. So we go, da-da-da-da. Are you guys sisters? Of course we're sisters. Um, now I've got a couple of things going on in my head. All this UGC content creation. I look at myself in my phone, in my mirror at least 12 hours a day. That is a lot. You guys guess how many hours a day I'm on my phone? 12.

SPEAKER_03 9:57

18.

SPEAKER_02 9:59

That's a lot.

SPEAKER_03 9:59

That can't be right. You never lock your phone. I don't not lock it. My phone is locked a lot. That's why my screen time is less. Because I'm constantly locking unlocking. Anyway, 18 hours.

SPEAKER_02 10:14

Some of the ramifications of this wannabe celebrity life that I'm desperate to have. Looking in the mirror or the camera all day long, I am now convinced I'm ugly. And you're not.

SPEAKER_03 10:27

I feel so. Okay, literally, anybody who stares in the mirror for 18 hours a day, you are going to think that you're ugly. I barely look in the mirror. I'm like, I'm like, that's good enough. Like, I did my makeup, I did my hair, okay. Da-da-da-da-da-da. A quick mirror, selfie, and I'm good. I don't feel the need to look in the mirror because I can pick myself apart in 0.5 seconds. Imagine if I had 18 hours a day. We would be in a plastic surgeon's office holding hands side by side.

SPEAKER_02 10:59

Yes, we are. Yes, we would. We're trying to get two for ones on divorce lawyers, plastic surgeons, memberships to gyms. I know, all the things. And so this irrational internal loathing that is now starting to present itself came out on Friday night. And because Lindsay for the first time was able to join me on Friday night, Lindsay was without a doubt, the bell of the ball, right? All eyes were on Lindsay. And I was like, it's okay. Just say yes. Yes. That's fine. This is the first okay, ready for this? Yeah. I can't believe I'm saying this on air. I'm such an asshole. This was kind of the first time I wasn't the prettiest girl in the room. And I was like, what the fuck is this? Motherfucker. Kinda. I was like, oh, we're never going out again. Fuck this. Everyone's jaw was on the ground. And I'm like, is it because my hair is four inches shorter? Like, what the fuck? Because I know I'm not ugly. I just said I didn't feel pretty, you guys. I didn't say I know I'm ugly. That is so different. I'm not crazy. I just don't feel pretty. So I guess I'm never not.

SPEAKER_00 12:28

I can't never bring myself to say it. And that right there is my.

SPEAKER_03 12:40

She understood.

SPEAKER_02 12:41

Thank you for not making me say what she's trying to say. It's never happened to me before in my entire life. And it happened on Friday, and I was like, this is not fun. However, I do have a personality that it people like it sometimes. It was helping. We were standing around outside, and the music was great. And I'm like, it's fucking Friday night, you guys. I'm sorry if I just like two-step over here just a little bit. Like left, right, left, right. Just uh the beat. People came over to me and they're like, Thank you for starting a party. Thank you for dancing. Well, you can always count on me for that move. Because it was nice. We're all dressed up. We look so good. We had on these long, wide-legged white jeans. They are so small, you guys. They're so small. Things are fucked up over here if you didn't already know. They're so small. They're so tiny. And I'm like, Lindsay's so skinny. She's like, you are literally the same size, if not smaller. Because you're two inches taller. And I was like, oh yeah. Like I was sitting here thinking, like, there's literally nothing more I can do to be any better than I am. Maybe a personality transfer? No. I'm like you said, brought the vibe to the club. But I mean embossy and a mouthy. It'll be like some mouthy girl. It works. Then that guy was talking. I was like, I want to sit on your lap, sir. At one point in my arms outstretched across the table, like, hey, come here. Closer to me. I want to, I wanna scoop you up and have you out of myself. He was great.

SPEAKER_03 14:18

He was great. Where is he? Very chatty. I liked I haven't met strangers in so long.

SPEAKER_02 14:25

Oh, you haven't?

SPEAKER_03 14:26

Not in the setting. Uh yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm an excellent wing person. Yes, you are. This is the first time I've gone out in that setting and talked to people.

SPEAKER_02 14:36

This is the first time Lindsay participated in a Friday night. How did it feel?

SPEAKER_03 14:41

People are more willing to talk to you when you're single. You got a big ring on your finger. You're a kryptonite and everyone is repelled by you.

SPEAKER_02 14:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:49

Respectful. Yes. Bunch of respectful people out there.

SPEAKER_02 14:55

You and your values. Awesome.

SPEAKER_03 14:57

So yeah, that was fun. Um I made some new friends. Just cool people.

SPEAKER_02 15:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:05

It's the same people that I see at work. Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_02 15:09

They gotta go somewhere.

SPEAKER_03 15:10

I know.

SPEAKER_02 15:10

And that is the demographic. In Spanish class the other day, this woman asked for consejos on dating. And I was like, my consejos is join Lifetime Fitness and pickleball. She's like, I don't play. We're not talking about how to play, learn to love, become obsessed with said no. If you want dating advice, that's where dudes go. Pickleball. And my third advice was uh go to a church. Go to a mega church where lots of people go. Men that get themselves to church on Sunday means that they weren't out too late Saturday night. It means that they hold space for something greater. Usually go out to brunch afterwards, right? Maybe some football. I don't know. These are these are values I would want in a relationship. Is Christ the third in my threesome? I don't know. I don't know yet.

SPEAKER_00 16:06

Could be. I'm open. Just fills you with that spirit. Am I right? So full. So deep into the spirit.

SPEAKER_02 16:19

I'm really moved. It just penetrates so deep. Oh, speaking of penetration, Lindsay and I were fucking around a week ago. On my feed Saturday night, I was sad and lonely. And on my feed came this smut audiobooks. If you're into smut, this is for you. It's curated based off of your likes, your kinks, your interests. Every keyword in the porn industry, that is an option. The intake alone, you guys should do. That first quiz, it's essentially a buzzfeed quiz to kind of get a better idea of what turns you on. Are you missionary with your spouse? Or are you getting rough sex against the printer in the office?

SPEAKER_03 17:09

Or you're a MILF and your stepson's friends come over, and then you're disrupted by the Amazon man delivering your package.

SPEAKER_02 17:20

Yeah. Delivering his package. Dick in a box, right, JT? That's right. Mickey Mouse. Um, I paid the $20 because I was intrigued, and of course, what won't I do for the plot? It's called Whisper Stories. Right? It's like Eyes Wide Shut meets Spotify slash ASMR slash the manosphere. Hmm. That is a great description. Those are some dark, underbelly, nefarious. Well, Spotify's fine. You know what, though, Spotify, you're kind of on my shit list because if you don't start doing a better job of curating some songs I have not heard before, you're playing the same likes songs on Shuffle. I have thousands in there. Can't you just pick a new playlist from my likes songs? Now I have to big girl up and do it myself.

SPEAKER_03 18:19

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 18:20

I don't love it.

SPEAKER_03 18:20

However, we will take a man taking our cars for four hours on a Saturday or Sunday to detail it. We we do want that. So if you're available, there's a number of things I'd like to rent a man for.

SPEAKER_02 18:34

Thrust your package into my ass, bend over, and then crack my back. I've done that before. Lindsay thought I was a little forward, and I was like, well, now that you mention it, it might be, but I was happy to do it with that person because boy, that was enjoyable. Yes, you know, just the little things in life. That was amazing. Who wants to be our man? So I listened to this hypnosis, right? My audiobooks they curated for me. Cute. There's like Daddy gets his good girl brat from the club. And I was like, Yep. Professor and student. Yeah. Milliphin. You get it. We scroll down a little bit further, and there's hypnosis. And we were like, oh. Now, part of me was hoping that this hypnosis would learn to relax from the waist down. Learn to relax enough that you can come on the regular, because that's not always easy. And so I am on a quest for that. So I thought, what the heck? Let me try this. Now, if the title is any indication on how this was gonna go, I chose to ignore it. But let me tell you. Alright, so the title of this particular hypnosis, ready, you're now the bimbo called Candy. Yeah, this was a tough one, you guys. Um, outside of having my life threatened and being raped this summer, this is right up there, because it was it was like propaganda dressed up in erotic audio smut. So at first it's an AI voice, it's a man's voice, and he takes this very and it he's like a bear, you know, a hypnosis, right? You're sleeping, and you have allowed your you know, your subconscious is very vulnerable, and they are penetrating it and mining your soul without even your knowledge, because what this bimbofication, which I didn't know until looking into a little bit further, turns out that's an actual genre. So I asked Chad a couple of questions. I was like, hey, can you look up this company, this whisper stories? Like, who's the parrot company? Who is motivated to create said audio thing, hypnosis? Because let me explain. So they start off, you are now this bimbo named Candy. And Candy's skinny and hot, and the only thing she likes is makeup and clothes and high heels. And I was like, Well, I do like makeup and high heels. Maybe I am a bimbo. So you start there, right? And then it's like, bimbos don't like to think heavy thoughts. I was like, I don't like to think heavy thoughts. I'm also raising my hand. You got two right here. So it starts like that. That's how they kind of get you, right? You're like, yeah. They're like, bimbos submit in the bedroom. I'm like, I'm down to submit. Yeah, sure. It's like, so you're not thinking, you're having fun, right? And you like makeup and clothes. Fuck yeah, call me candy, right? But then it gets darker. It gets so much darker. And it I'm not trying to be dramatic, but because you're sleeping, it's 2 a.m. You're in your cozy bed, right? And you've got your headphones on. This is how close they are to your soul. At one point, so long story short, he's like, You're just holes. You're holes, and you're just some fuck slut. At guy's discretion, you're just wet and horny, and you will do anything for cock. And then he repeats cock over and over and over again, and it's loud, it's an echo. And it just it terrified me. And then he introduces trigger words like good girl, mind off, empty your mind. But the way in which the sound comes across, it's like this white noise static, like the old TV. Yeah, white noise, like violent white noise. It might be like pink noise or a different color noise. Anyway, like the TV noise where it it's off air, if anybody remembers that noise. And that's when they're like, mind off. I'm like, oh my god, submit, you dirty slut. And I'm like, oh my god. But it's just, it was a lot. It wasn't just becoming, and then this whole notion of objectification, bimbofocation. This is misogyny in a way that was kind of dressed up in like, I don't know, like it's taboo. But it was it really left a mark on my soul because I found myself still reeling from it the next morning. Lindsay, you text me and you're like, should I start calling you Bambi? And I was like, it's no joke. This is no fucking joke. And I'm like, oh, yikes. I didn't know it was gonna be so dark. I didn't either. I really didn't. I obviously everybody's gonna want to listen to it when you give like this kind of resounding like review, right? We'll link it, sure. But please proceed with caution. This is not a toy. Is the manosphere behind this? Is there a movement to eradicate all women's thoughts? Are you just yeah, yes, it seems like there is 2.7 million people are on board with erasing and taking away women's free will.

SPEAKER_03 24:13

That's the way that we have been trending over the past few years. Be more traditional, don't have a thought. Be just a girl, don't be ambitious. Be a dumb girl. Be a dumb girl, and a man will tell you exactly what to do and what to think and what to wear, because that is how you please a man, and that's how you get a man, and that's how you keep a man. That's what they're pushing.

SPEAKER_02 24:38

Yeah. Just bodies, just a body. So, you know, and I was like, I do want to be like I was almost after one listening, I was kind of I could see myself crossing over. That's how powerful this was. Wow. Just one, and I know I didn't listen for all two hours. At one point I woke up and you flip over and he starts slapping your ass. So you're sleeping at 2 a.m. in the morning with headphones on so close to your ears, and you just hear this guy slapping this woman over and over and over again, and you're like, Yeah, this can't be good. This can't be good.

SPEAKER_03 25:18

Instilling violence in your subconscious, I don't think that's good.

SPEAKER_02 25:21

No, it sounds like good, good. Good, good. Yeah. Oh, good, good. You want to be in on this conversation? Yeah, I'm sorry. You earned a seat at the end of this conversation. You're on the bus, and I'm so sorry. I'm sure you think you shouldn't be. But if you've been living under a rock, you know that good, good, who's a major golf brand. They partner with Callaway. They were scheduled to headline a golf tournament this November in uh in Austin, right? Um, and they released, and it turns out I think it was like, well, I didn't see it till Monday, but I think they released it on Friday. It was a commercial in which I don't know, the professional golfer, somebody, some guy, this lady, she's in the forefront, he's in the background. She goes to grab a driver out of the golf bag, and this guy comes, booking charging at her, body checks her, and throws her on the ground, leans over her, gets right in her face, and he's like, Don't ever touch my driver.

SPEAKER_00 26:36

Yikes.

SPEAKER_02 26:39

The optics on that one aren't great. So naturally, everyone was divided. Well, I don't know how divided it was. I don't think it was like a 50-50 split, but certainly uh this click baited the shit. Even I was enthralled.

SPEAKER_03 26:55

Yeah, I was living under a rock because I didn't hear about it until Monday. Which is wild. I know. Like I'm usually I know everything right away.

SPEAKER_02 27:03

Um, and I don't always. So now everybody's pointing fingers, right? Who's responsible? Good Good, Callaway? Because they're they are partners, right? So in order for Callaway to give it the green light, they had their internal team review it and say, yeah, no, this works. All 15 either uh individuals or like departments, the marketing team over at Good Good, they this was an in-house thing. They didn't hire an outside ad campaign agency to do this. So there was a number of people that signed off on that. It's just like, you know.

SPEAKER_03 27:47

No one ever thought, hmm, maybe body checking a lady and then standing over her and intimidating her with a gallery. With the driver in your hand. I don't know. Like, do you think maybe some people might find that extremely offensive and triggering? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:05

Here's the thing: I don't care if you think it is or it isn't. That's not the point. The point is we're all gonna play by the same rules, and commercially, it's not okay to instill violence against a woman if you're trying to sell a product. It's not okay to instill violence against women under any circumstance. But now you're gonna use this as mainstream means of convincing us to buy a product.

SPEAKER_03 28:31

It's like, hey, is that the good good Callaway driver? Yeah. Oh, the one where you might beat up a woman if she touches it. Yeah, that's the driver I got. Isn't it amazing? Literally. You know, some asshole is gonna buy it. 100% because they found it to be hilarious. And they're like, Yeah, this is that driver. This is that good good.

SPEAKER_02 28:53

And you know, after he comes home playing 18 rounds of golf and he's drunk as shit, can't see straight, he's gonna be like, I'm gonna go get my good, good driver if you pop off. No, that is you know that I can with mathematical certainty that would have been said at least one time. Yes. Just one time. Hey, if you pop off while I come home, after I come home from a day of golf, I need to blow off steam. I'm gonna take that good, good driver and give you something to cry about. Oh man, you guys, shame on you. The optics. You know what? That's just good business sense. And you know, why would you isolate or alienate any population?

SPEAKER_03 29:39

And yes, I know women are the minority in golf, but we're the minority in life, and you know, we're always clawing to get up ahead. Clawing to get ahead.

SPEAKER_02 29:50

We're just clawing to like not be violated, mouthfucked, or we're not just holes, we're not just punching bags, we're certainly like, what the fuck, you guys? I don't think you actually like us, but I don't understand why men hate women. It is so ingrained. I don't understand. I really can't wrap my head around it. Like, why? We're not physically a threat, we don't cause you a threat in the workplace.

SPEAKER_03 30:20

Well, you know how also more people are staying single longer, or they're not getting married, or ladies are just like, I don't need a man in my life because I'm so self-sufficient. Yeah. I think there's an overarching resentment from males who are getting rejected by females. And you know those manosphere men and those incels, that is such a growing population. I think so. I think we're seeing it. And that anger, maybe from an incel is now becoming a little bit more mainstream.

SPEAKER_02 30:48

Uh yeah. Right. You're seeing it politically, you're seeing it throughout the nation. We thought, oh, what's the harm? And no, I don't like his policies, but I don't mind him as a person. Well, they opened the door a little bit to allow this kind of like we, you know, it it's it's a deal, it's a difficult question because, like, are we asking for a police state? You you you had the freedom to kind of do the things that historically were always taboo. You can't wear hoods and you can't do that, you know what I mean? Since people have been given the green light to kind of do whatever they want, it's a little bit of a free-for-all out there.

SPEAKER_03 31:29

Even on that show, The Audacity, the 15-year-old kid started watching Manosphere videos because he wanted to get with that girl. And he's trying to force her to kiss him. And she's like, What the fuck, dude? Like, what are you doing? And he's watching all those videos, trying to be like, yeah, they want it. Like, those girls want it. They're gonna tell you that they don't want it, but just like, just know that they do.

SPEAKER_02 31:52

So that's another way of like low-key pretending like uh, you know, like it's a parody, but it's you're still putting it out there. Any mention of it, this includes us, right? Because this is essentially an entire commercial for that whisper story bimbofication of Bambi. Why do I want to keep calling her Bambi? I don't know. Because Bambi is cuter than candy. Um at this point, it's like the bimbofication of Chelsea. Seriously. I mean, I felt like I could have been converted after three listings. Oh wow.

SPEAKER_03 32:36

I'm curious how they use AI to make that hypnosis so powerful, and how can we use that same AI to hypnotize us into achieving all of our hopes and dreams and dream life.

SPEAKER_02 32:49

As soon as we're done with this, we'll do that. Yeah. Um yeah, I just it's wild. I just um well, I guess since June, but it's been a long time since anything has um made such a strong impact on me. Um Yeah. I did watch The Audacity.

SPEAKER_03 33:09

What'd you think?

SPEAKER_02 33:10

I loved it. Great recommendation, Lindsay. Now, the only thing we don't agree on necessarily, maybe, I don't know, we haven't really talked about it too much, is the lead character Duncan. Duncan. What is he from? Game night, Into the Woods, Aladdin, No Time to Die, or Maniac.

SPEAKER_03 33:32

I don't know any of those.

SPEAKER_02 33:33

I don't know any of those. The big short. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I know who he was. Oh yeah. Okay, do you guys remember the big short with who's in that?

SPEAKER_03 33:49

Ryan Gosling.

SPEAKER_02 33:51

Right.

SPEAKER_03 33:52

And Christian Bale, Steve Carell, Ryan Gosling. Okay, Brad Pitt. Yep. So the big short. Ryan Gosling, Steve Carell, Christian Bale, Brad Pitt.

SPEAKER_02 34:04

And Billy Magnuson. Okay, so Billy Magnusson might have been in an obscure but made a real big impact, a real big splash on the screen. His role was classic. So Steve Carell and his team goes to Tampa to boots on the ground to assess is this housing boom happening, right? This is the big short about the housing crisis 2008, 7, whatever. Um, so Steve Carell and his team in the movie go to Tampa and they get they have dinner with two dudes. One's a mortgage, I think they're they're two mortgage lenders, okay, mortgage brokers. And they're sitting around the table and they're like, oh no, my bread and butter client are strippers. Oh. Cause you can back then you could sign for a mortgage without putting any money down. Oh, okay. And so it was kind of it was an ugly moment. But these guys are like, yeah, fucking strippers. They've got like five houses and a boat. Get it, girl. Yeah. So he was a total douchebag in them in the show, but you never forgot his face ever again. He plays a little bit of a similar character, but this time he's a tech bro, Silicon Valley, um, fighting for his life to keep his company and his lifestyle afloat.

SPEAKER_03 35:37

And you felt I felt like yes, he has the epitome of a tech bro douchebag, and he's always trying to have some underlying scheme going on in order to fund his company or in order to win or to take somebody else down. And there's moments where you see him as a real human, and he can be sweet and he's caring, and he could be a good husband if he chose to, or at least a good friend to his wife, but he loves his daughter, so like that's a sweet side of him. And there's so many parts where, like, oh, you could just do something slightly different and be a better man. And I also think he's struggling with being the main guy at the company because his co-founder, trigger warning, committed suicide. So now he is running the company on his own. And I feel like he doesn't have the confidence in himself to be running it. He doesn't believe in himself so much, so that's why he acts like such a douchebag and does all of these I don't know, kind of like extreme schemes to get ahead. But I do like him as a character, he's a very interesting main character. I loved him.

SPEAKER_02 36:44

I don't see him as having character flaws, but rather this is who he is, unapologetically. He might be one of those sociopaths. In fact, somebody called him a sociopath, and he was delighted. Yes. Because VCs love the term sociopath because that means a fearless leader with little regard for other people's opinions in a business. Because that's for players on that level, I imagine that's what you have to do. You have to be reckless and maybe thoughtless, where you just you don't really care what other people think. Um, towards the end of the series, he's standing there with his wife. Someone's got to go to the daughter's recital, and they're kind of like horse trading. You gotta go, I can't go. She's like, Really, you can't do this. And he's like, This is who I am. This is how I show up, right? Take me as I am, I can't apologize. But it was the most it was the most honest thing he said, and in order to love him is to accept that like he's self-absorbed, and but the way in which he becomes a friend to the therapist, he does have depth. It's just he's his sole purpose, he found his purpose, and that's to be whatever this guy is, like the CEO of a startup, and he hit it big. Like, there are people such as himself that are meant for that lifestyle, and I think that's what Silicon Valley does great. It just says, bring us all your spectrum, high-functioning tech bros.

SPEAKER_03 38:25

My favorite line, or one of them, is when he was starting his own company again, and then he had his employees in his office. He's like, I am shedding the tech bro vest lifestyle. I am de vesting. He's like, What's part of a vest? It's too hot for inside, it's too cold for outside. No. No, I loved it.

SPEAKER_02 38:46

I thought it was so clever. The writing's so clever. It's so clever. I will go back and watch it again. I'm so tired because I stayed up until midnight watching it. And then I thought it was a good idea to start recording. But it's it's great. It's fast paced, it's a silicon valley, it's a little less serious than succession, but it's got elements of that. You'll love it. It's yeah.

SPEAKER_03 39:08

Yeah, I feel like it was yeah, in the essence of succession, but then with witty writing like Ted Lasso, and you have to keep up because it's fast paced, but it's a little bit uh more intense than Ted Lasso. Now I love it. Highly recommend.

SPEAKER_02 39:21

There's no like sex in it or anything really. It's pretty clean, honestly. Yeah, I loved it. It was a great, great recommendation. Thank you, Lindsay. You're welcome. What else do we got going on? I need you to tie me up. No, ma'am. I'm not doing it. Don't you have any guy friends? What kind of tying up?

SPEAKER_03 39:39

What do you need tied up? Okay, so I was fed this lady on TikTok who ties up people, like kind of binds their arms together, maybe to their legs in different positions. And it's supposed to reset your nervous system because you're not supposed to fight against the ropes and the knots digging into your skin and your wrist and how uncomfortable you are.

SPEAKER_02 40:01

I'm 100%.

SPEAKER_03 40:02

You are just supposed to surrender.

SPEAKER_02 40:03

Yep. No, I'm yes. You know what? I changed my mind. I would love to do this to you. I would love to do this. I would love to have a camera that records this. I'd like to put it on my feed. Yep. And we will officially pop off. Yes, we will. Because in the spirit of women don't really count, and we're just objects for other people's enjoyment. Let's do it. I'm down. In fact, you guys, like, rate, and review, we gotta go. I want to tie up Lindsay. No. Um, yeah, tie me up and just hit me a little bit, just to double down and make sure. I can't. I can't, I can't, I can't do it. Maybe I would have before listening to this thing, but like three strikes, I'm out. Like, I don't want to do anything more violent to women. Hog tying you and zip ties somehow feels like somehow that's okay.

SPEAKER_03 40:51

That's the exception, you want more viral videos.

SPEAKER_02 40:57

Just one, I do have it written down.

SPEAKER_00 41:01

That's really funny if you did that.

SPEAKER_02 41:05

So what's in your planner? Yeah, need viral, honestly, smartless video, please. That's like the last thing I need to do tonight. Well, no, I have a a you know, I have a number of things, but that's uh that's a big one.

SPEAKER_03 41:18

We got a request in our DMs to tick each other's tummies while we're talking.

SPEAKER_00 41:23

Oh god.

SPEAKER_03 41:24

I'm like, what?

SPEAKER_00 41:26

What do you mean? What?

SPEAKER_03 41:27

What? I don't even know what that means. Is that like tickle? I do like a tickle fight. Like a tickle. A tickle fight? Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. Maybe they meant tickle. I guess no, because I qu I was like ticking tummies? And they said yes, please did you AI what ticking tummies means? No, I will. Because I'm like, well, maybe he just can't spell tickling.

SPEAKER_02 41:56

My AI is concerned. They're like, Chelsea, what's happening over there with this whisper stories and all the things that you are currently going through? I was like, nothing, everything's fine over here. Don't read into it. Don't make it about you, chat. I'm just asking some questions.

SPEAKER_03 42:16

I didn't ask for a therapy session. Just to answer my questions. I agree.

SPEAKER_02 42:20

I had one of those. Um, so yeah.

SPEAKER_03 42:24

Yeah, that's what's going on. What else? Oh, you know how you your algorithm on Instagram was all these sex products? Okay, then it leaked over to my Instagram. Oh yeah. And I'm being targeted for this contraption. It's almost like a little stool, a foot off the ground. Oh, you know when you go to hotels and you put your suitcase on that little stand? Yeah. Okay, it's like that, just a little bit shorter, but with those fabric strips, but the middle is a little bit cut out. And it's for ladies who want to be on top, but they can't support themselves with their legs.

SPEAKER_02 43:06

That's funny. Um, I take offense to the fact that you think it's just mine. I don't have a problem with keeping myself up. Writer number one over here. Oh, yeah. No, you don't need it. Perhaps it was the time you spent with the ladies from Tampa. That could be it. I am not your only bad influence friend.

SPEAKER_03 43:31

Yeah, no, or they are targeting me because I'm like, oh, my legs get so tired. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 43:37

Like my if my feed is not like targeting me for these things, because it's not an issue. So maybe this is all you? Yeah, I think it's all you because this one doesn't apply to me. I don't need a contraption.

SPEAKER_03 43:57

I think maybe because we were talking about it, my phone is. Listening.

SPEAKER_02 44:02

You oh, you did say you don't like to ride on top.

SPEAKER_03 44:08

I did say that.

SPEAKER_02 44:08

It seems like no one likes to really be on top because there's a lot of work. Right. Well I don't know. I'm in fairly in fairly good shape. It doesn't really seem to phase me.

SPEAKER_03 44:23

Yeah. And um, I don't know, maybe I just don't like being on top.

SPEAKER_02 44:28

Yeah, no, for sure. I'm in.

SPEAKER_03 44:31

I don't know. You would think these legs would be good for something. You don't even need legs. It's just like uh flexibility. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 44:39

You really because you are like sitting hips are tight. Yeah. That's the issue. Like this. What is this?

SPEAKER_03 44:45

Quads. Like this part? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 44:47

My quad is very tight, like right here. Like when you sit on your heels. Yeah. This kind of hurts, so I have to find a way to like rub that one out.

SPEAKER_03 44:57

My my quads are tight and my hip flexors are tight. Yeah, then that is not for you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 45:01

Then you need that luggage rack.

SPEAKER_03 45:04

I'm gonna buy myself a luggage rack.

SPEAKER_02 45:06

Hey babe, what what is that that you're bringing over for sexy times? Don't you worry about it.

SPEAKER_03 45:11

You're gonna thank me later. It's like what's in your bag? Like, you know, things, Jeff.

SPEAKER_02 45:16

A collapse a collapsible luggage rack. Could you imagine like wheeling? Carrying that under my arm. Right. It like, and then you can put it together in three easy snaps. And you're like, just lay here while I put this thing over you and then crank it down so it holds me. I know. I'm like, huh, the admin, that must happen for that to happen. How possible? I mean, do you just lower it? Do you like let the it's kind of like um, you know, when you've got the blinds and you slowly let them down from the string? Do you let it slowly let the air out and the suspension that is the luggage rack that allows your and they're like, oh no, not far enough. Oh, still not, still not the craft matic bed. They're like, I can't get the right. You're like, fuck it. Get on the bottom and I will take care of this. They're so annoyed, they come in two seconds. You're like, no, we're supposed to have a fun time. Yeah, well, you can't get your luggage rack to fucking work. So no. Why don't you figure it out on your own time? Shut your hips in your own time, okay? Don't waste my time with your bullshit late-night advertisements. You're targeted for sex products, and I got smut ASMR. Um, they're coming for us one way or another. Yeah, they are. Yeah. Even Steven. Um, yeah, no, I haven't really been triggered or triggered. Why do I keep saying triggered? I haven't been targeted for any of those products lately. Although this just recently came across my desk and I was like, man oh man, you guys are taking a lot of liberties with the things that you send my way. Okay, talk amongst yourselves while I find this picture.

SPEAKER_03 47:09

What have you been targeted for? What else have I been targeted for?

SPEAKER_02 47:14

Okay, ready? I found it. This is a tough one.

SPEAKER_03 47:23

It is they look like two ballerinas.

SPEAKER_02 47:29

It's the black swan the black swan. The black swan. So you've got one ballerina and a black tutu, and one ballerina and a white tutu. So it's good versus evil.

SPEAKER_03 47:39

The ballerina in the black tutu is sitting on a chair, a throne. And then the ballerina in the white tutu is on her knees, kneeling in front of the black swan with her hands tied behind her back. In a submissive position.

SPEAKER_02 47:54

And the ballerina in the black is dominant, even though they both have pretty point shoes on and really cute tutus. So they're like, You like all of these things? Do you like having your hands bound? How do you know you're not the black swan? I immediately identified as the black swan. Oh, yeah, of course. I'm not, I'm never gonna be submissive to a lady. I would be such a dom when it comes to ladies, to the point where I'm like, I can't be gentle with you. Sorry, you're gonna get it. You're I I won't even play with that. Like, I'm like a toddler with a puppy. Like, there is no way I could be gentle with a lady that I won't even like, because they're just so little and so innocent, and you just like I would imagine it's just like you're so aggressive, you can't like that cute aggression. Oh yeah. Yeah, no, I would so maybe that explains why men are horrible to some maybe that explains why some men can't control themselves. When you're so little, I just want to fucking beat you with this driver.

SPEAKER_03 49:04

So little. I wonder how many hits it would take to knock you the fuck out. I mean, we're so tiny.

SPEAKER_02 49:09

We've said this before, like it wouldn't take anything to the point where you're like, well, that wasn't that satisfying.

SPEAKER_03 49:15

It was a one-two-down. I know. I'm not hardy, I'm very fragile. Same. It wouldn't be that fun. No. Like you can feel all of my ribs.

SPEAKER_02 49:27

Like, what is gonna bring you satisfaction out of that? Uh-huh. Nothing. Wanted done, it'd be boring. So I don't know, but I get the cuteness aggression. I really do. I I have thought to myself, like, um, you know, I'd like to give myself more credit than that, that I wouldn't I'd be able to control myself around a lady.

SPEAKER_03 49:47

Yeah. And you know, everyone is like, oh my God, you guys have never hooked up. No, I'm not your type.

SPEAKER_02 49:54

Yeah, no, um I can't really talk about that now, but you know, if um there have been guys that I've hooked up with in the past that kind of implied that, and I was like, I would have, I promise you, the moment would have presented itself in the last 10 years that we have been soulmates. However, what I'll tell you is I would rather have her as my best friend and keep her than hook up with her and then dump her like trash.

unknown 50:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:30

Because that's how that works. And I'm not into that. I'd rather have my soulmate. And you're not really my type. Yeah, exactly. I don't know what my type is, but you're not it. Maybe it's just I'm not attracted to you. Yeah. This might be the first time you've-that's great. It might be the first time you've ever heard that where someone's like, no, thank you.

SPEAKER_03 50:51

Like, what?

SPEAKER_02 50:52

Literally.

SPEAKER_03 50:54

I don't really understand the words that you're saying. Um, I will have to play this back later and try to interpret what you are saying.

SPEAKER_02 51:01

Yeah, well, you know what? The episode drops on Monday. So wherever you listen, or you can watch this on YouTube when I tell you you're not my type, no thank you. You'd be like, What? I'm not computing. Everyone's tired, literally. Yeah, am I the only one that isn't mesmerized by your princess beauty? Maybe.

SPEAKER_03 51:22

Maybe. Gotta keep me humble somehow.

SPEAKER_02 51:24

No, I'm not that person. I just mean no thank you. I just, it's not my favorite flavor. It's just not the ride I want to ride on. It's just not the outfit I want to wear today. Or ever. Or ever. It just likewise. Yeah. Yeah, no, and I'm not harping on that, but it's just I think I don't know why. Is it just two women who are single?

SPEAKER_03 51:44

Because we're just yeah, I think so. And that we're always be bopping around. You guys are so giggly and like, I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 51:51

We sound like candy.

SPEAKER_03 51:53

Oh, we do.

SPEAKER_02 51:54

We sound like candy. And we play into the dumb thing. We play into the two dumb girls. Yes. Uh, we're not wearing a lot of clothes right now.

SPEAKER_03 52:02

No.

SPEAKER_02 52:03

We do like makeup. We love Target and Starbucks and heels and pillow fights. And there you go. Our name is Candy. I mean, that's how easy it was because you could make one logical agreement. You make one, what is that? Like the is that the Vinn diagram? Yeah. Like the bubble things. Yeah. Or it's like, do you like shopping? Yes. Therefore, your name is Candy. It was just like that easy. And you're like, no, no, no, no, no, no. But you know, occasionally you hear the guy being like, This is just when you're in your candy persona. I'm like, mm-hmm. I don't hear you saying and be done with it.

SPEAKER_03 52:44

Uh-huh. Nope. All right. Well, don't call us candy. Call us honestly smartless at Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, or every podcast. Clever. And make sure you share this episode with all of your besties. And we will link that story for you to listen in your own time. Happy girl.

unknown 53:04

Happy girl.

SPEAKER_03 53:05

And we'll see you next time.

SPEAKER_00 53:06

Honestly Smartless. You love Honestly Smartless. It's the best podcast in the world here with all your friends. We are number one.

unknown 53:15

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 53:15

Thank you. Bye. Bye.